Leader’s guide · 13 weeks
Leader’s guide: The Bruised Reed (For Teens)
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This guide takes your group through “The Bruised Reed (For Teens)” in thirteen weeks, one chapter a week. It retells the book by Richard Sibbes, the Puritan preacher known as “the sweet dropper” because his words fell on hurting people like gentle rain. The whole book grows from one promise about Jesus: “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench.” It is written for teens aged about 13 to 18 and suits a youth group, a homeschool or a small group, and it is especially good for teens who feel weak in faith, ashamed, or not much of a Christian at all.
Each session takes about 30 to 40 minutes. Open by saying the memory verse together (3 minutes). Read the chapter, either aloud together or beforehand at home (8–10 minutes). Talk through the chapter’s three questions, which come with answers to help you (10 minutes). Do the activity (10 minutes). Then close by praying the chapter’s prayer, or one of your own (2 minutes).
To prepare, read the chapter yourself and look over the activity; most weeks need only paper and pens, and week 4 is best with a few seeds and small pots. This is a gentle book, so lead it gently. It speaks to bruised people, and some in your group may be carrying real pain. Chapter 2 is clear that abuse, bullying or cruelty is never God’s “bruising”; chapter 7 speaks to those who constantly beat themselves up; chapter 8 deals with unwanted, intrusive thoughts and mentions anxiety and OCD. Never ask anyone to share private shame or struggles aloud, keep personal reflection on paper for themselves, and make sure everyone knows they can talk to you or another trusted adult. If anyone tells you they are being harmed, follow your church’s safeguarding procedures.
Week 1 — The Sweet Dropper
Richard Sibbes, a wheelwright’s son born in Suffolk in 1577, was converted at Cambridge through the plain preaching of Paul Baynes and became a preacher remembered above all for his gentleness, earning the name “the sweet dropper”. His book The Bruised Reed is built on the promise that Jesus will not break a bruised reed or quench smoking flax, pictures of weak, struggling faith that Jesus keeps alive until it is strong. Through it John Cotton was converted, and the young Richard Baxter came to know God’s love from a copy bought from a pedlar. The big idea: Jesus does not snap weak people in two; he handles them gently.
“A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.” — Matthew 12:20 (KJV)
Memory verse
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory.
Matthew 12:20
Talk together
Why was Sibbes called “the sweet dropper”?
Because he went looking for doubting and discouraged people, and his gentle words fell on them like soft rain.
What are a bruised reed and smoking flax?
A thin plant that is nearly snapped, and a lamp wick that is almost out; both are pictures of weak, struggling believers.
Whose life was changed by a copy of The Bruised Reed sold by a pedlar?
Richard Baxter’s; as a young man he came to know God’s love through it.
Activity
Reed and Wick
You will need: Bibles, paper and pens
- Read Matthew 12:15–21 aloud together.
- Explain the two pictures from the chapter: a thin reed nearly snapped, and a lamp wick giving off more smoke than light.
- As a group, list ways a teen’s faith might feel like a bruised reed or smoking flax, keeping to general examples.
- Ask everyone to write privately one way they feel like either picture right now.
- Read the memory verse aloud together as a promise.
Week 2 — Bruised
Sibbes explains that being bruised means being knocked down so that we see ourselves honestly, like the prodigal who “came to himself” or Peter, who boasted and then denied Jesus and had “more wind in him than pith.” He says the Bible’s great heroes comfort us less by their brave deeds than by their falls and bruises, and that bruising makes us value Jesus. The chapter adds clearly that not every hard thing is God teaching a lesson, that abuse or bullying is never God’s bruising and should be told to a trusted adult, and that people raised in faith need not seek a crisis. The big idea: God is close to the broken-hearted, and bruises can bring us home to him.
“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 (KJV)
Memory verse
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
Talk together
What does Sibbes mean when he says Peter had “more wind in him than pith”?
That Peter was full of big talk but had little real strength until his failure humbled him.
Why do the falls of Bible heroes comfort us more than their brave deeds?
Because they show us that God does not throw away people who fail, and that we are not the only ones.
Is every hard thing in life God’s bruising?
No. Some pain is simply painful, and abuse or cruelty is never God’s work; it is wrong and should be reported to a trusted adult.
Activity
Bruised Heroes
You will need: Bibles, paper and pens
- As a group, list Bible people who fell or were bruised, such as Peter, David, Jonah and Paul.
- For each, talk briefly about what went wrong and how God treated them afterwards.
- Read Sibbes’s line: “The heroical deeds of those great worthies do not comfort the church so much, as their falls and bruises do,” and talk about why that might be true.
- Remind the group of the chapter’s clear point that if someone is hurting them, that is never God’s bruising, and they should tell a trusted adult.
Week 3 — He Will Not Break You
Sibbes says Christ will not break the bruised reed, like a doctor who causes pain only to heal or a mother who does not throw away a sick child, asking, “Shall there be more mercy in the stream than in the spring?” Jesus calls himself a shepherd, brother and husband, likens himself to a lamb and a mother hen, and the Spirit came on him as a dove. Above all, “He never turned any back again that came unto him, though some went away of themselves,” and having been tempted himself, he can help us. The big idea: you can come to Jesus with anything, and he will not turn you away.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28 (KJV)
Memory verse
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
Talk together
What does Sibbes mean by “more mercy in the stream than in the spring”?
Human kindness is like a stream that flows from God; if people can be merciful, God, the source of mercy, is even more so.
What gentle names and pictures does Jesus use for himself?
Shepherd, brother, husband, a lamb and a mother hen; at his baptism the Spirit came like a dove.
What does Sibbes say about the people who came to Jesus?
He never turned any of them away, though some walked away by themselves.
Activity
The Stream and the Spring
You will need: Bibles, paper and pens
- Ask everyone to think of a time someone was kind or patient with them, and share a few general examples.
- Read Sibbes’s question about the stream and the spring, and talk about where those kindnesses came from.
- In pairs, read Mark 1:40–42 or Mark 5:25–34 and note how Jesus treats the person who comes to him.
- Share what you noticed, then read Matthew 11:28 aloud together.
Week 4 — Small Beginnings
Sibbes says faith often begins as smoking flax, small and mixed, but “Nothing so little as grace at first, and nothing more glorious afterward,” just as an oak grows from an acorn. Christ values us “by what we shall be,” as we call a little plant a tree because it is growing up to be one. Sibbes does not want us lazy about growing, but if we are discouraged we should see ourselves as Christ does, and the chapter recalls God telling the temple builders not to despise small beginnings. The big idea: your faith may be small, but it is real and it is growing.
“For who hath despised the day of small things?” — Zechariah 4:10 (KJV)
Memory verse
For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice, and shall see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel.
Zechariah 4:10
Talk together
What does Sibbes say about grace at the start of the Christian life?
That nothing is so little as grace at first, and nothing more glorious afterward.
How does Christ value us, according to Sibbes?
By what we shall be, like calling a young plant a tree because it is growing into one.
Why should we not be discouraged by small faith?
Because the most valuable things grow slowly, and small faith is real faith that Christ is committed to growing.
Activity
Small Beginnings
You will need: Seeds, small pots and soil, or a picture of an acorn and an oak
- Give everyone a seed and a small pot to plant, or show the acorn and oak picture if planting isn’t possible.
- As they plant, read Sibbes’s line: “Nothing so little as grace at first, and nothing more glorious afterward.”
- Talk about why we call a little plant a tree, and what that says about how Christ sees us.
- Ask everyone to take their pot home and, each time they water it, thank God for what he is growing in them.
Week 5 — Smoke and Fire
Sibbes says grace is not only small but mixed, with real fire and smoke together, like the father who cried “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief,” the frightened disciples in the storm, Jonah in the fish and Paul crying “O wretched man that I am!” Even our best prayers need Christ to make them acceptable, since “Broken hearts can yield but broken prayers.” God leaves this mixture for now to keep us from carelessness and pride, and one day the smoke will be gone. The big idea: faith mixed with doubt is still real faith, and Jesus will not quench it.
“Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” — Mark 9:24 (KJV)
Memory verse
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”
Mark 9:24
Talk together
What does “smoke” stand for in a Christian, and what does “fire” stand for?
Smoke is doubt, sin and mixed motives; fire is real faith and love for God.
Give one Bible example Sibbes uses of smoke and fire together.
The father who said “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief”, or the disciples crying out in the storm, or Jonah in the fish, or Paul’s “O wretched man”.
Why does God leave us with a mixture of smoke and fire for now?
To protect us from carelessness and pride and keep us depending on Christ.
Activity
Light and Smoke
You will need: Bibles, paper and pens
- Draw two columns headed “Light” and “Smoke”.
- Read Mark 9:24 and put “I believe” under Light and “help my unbelief” under Smoke.
- As a group, do the same with the other examples in the chapter: the disciples in the storm, Jonah and Paul.
- Talk about why Sibbes thinks God leaves this mixture in us for now.
- Pray the father’s prayer together as a group.
Week 6 — He Denied Not Peter
Sibbes shows Jesus with people of weak faith: he showed Thomas his wounds, walked with the Emmaus disciples, and restored Peter, for “Peter denied him, but he denied not Peter.” He answered the leper’s “if” with a full “I will; be thou clean,” healed the trembling woman who touched only the hem of his garment, and excused his sleeping disciples. Sibbes contrasts us, who “for a little smoke will quench the light,” with Christ, who cherishes the least beginnings. The big idea: whatever your failure or your “if”, Jesus has not denied you.
“But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” — Luke 22:32 (KJV)
Memory verse
But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.
Luke 22:32
Talk together
What is Sibbes’s famous line about Peter?
“Peter denied him, but he denied not Peter.”
How did Jesus answer the leper’s “if”?
With a full, gracious yes: “I will, be thou clean.”
What does Sibbes notice about the woman who touched Jesus’ garment?
She only touched, with a trembling hand, only the hem, and yet went away healed and comforted.
Activity
Weak Faith Meets Jesus
You will need: Bibles, paper and pens
- Split into small groups and give each one story: Thomas (John 20:24–29), the leper (Mark 1:40–42), the woman who touched his hem (Mark 5:25–34) or Peter (John 21:15–19).
- Ask each group to find what was weak about the person’s faith and how Jesus responded.
- Have each group report back in one or two sentences.
- Read Sibbes’s line “Peter denied him, but he denied not Peter” together and talk about what it means for us.
Week 7 — Two Eyes
Sibbes gives rules for anyone hard on themselves: have two eyes, one to see faults and one to see what is good; don’t judge by present feelings, since “life in the winter is hid in the root”; and don’t bear false witness against yourself, as the prodigal said he was unworthy but never said he was not a son. He says some accuse themselves as if hired by Satan, the accuser, and that God looks for real faith, not a certain amount, for “A weak hand may receive a rich jewel.” The chapter urges anyone who constantly beats themselves up to talk to a trusted adult. The big idea: look at yourself with both eyes, because even a spark of faith is real fire.
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1 (KJV)
Memory verse
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1
Talk together
What are Sibbes’s “two eyes”?
One to see imperfections in ourselves and others, and one to see what is good.
What does Sibbes mean by bearing false witness against yourself?
Wrongly concluding that you have no faith at all just because yours is weaker than someone else’s.
What does “A weak hand may receive a rich jewel” mean?
You don’t need strong faith to receive Christ and his gifts; weak faith receives them just as truly.
Activity
Two Eyes
You will need: Paper and pens
- Read Sibbes’s rule about two eyes and his line “A weak hand may receive a rich jewel.”
- As a group, talk about what it looks like when someone sees only the dark side of the cloud.
- Give everyone a sheet folded in half, and ask them to write privately on one side a fault they are aware of and on the other side one sign of God’s grace in their life.
- Encourage them to keep adding to both sides this week, always one for one.
- Read Romans 8:1 aloud together.
Week 8 — Thoughts You Hate
Sibbes knew that some Christians are tormented by unwanted, horrible thoughts about God, which he calls “busy flies” thrown in “like wildfire” by the enemy. A godly person is no more guilty of them “than Benjamin of Joseph’s cup put into his sack,” and the right response is to complain to Christ and fly under his wings, since Jesus himself was tempted with terrible suggestions. Sibbes is gentle with those troubled by constant worries, and the chapter adds that intrusive thoughts are common and can be linked to anxiety or OCD, urging anyone who struggles to tell a trusted adult or doctor. The big idea: an unwanted thought is not a chosen one, and Jesus takes our side against it.
“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” — Hebrews 4:15 (KJV)
Memory verse
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.
Hebrews 4:15
Talk together
How does Sibbes describe unwanted, horrible thoughts?
Like busy flies that disturb our peace, thrown in like wildfire by the enemy, recognisable by how strange, strong and horrible they are.
What does the story of Benjamin and Joseph’s cup teach about these thoughts?
That a person troubled by unwanted thoughts is no more guilty of them than Benjamin was of the cup put in his sack.
What does Sibbes say to do with such thoughts?
Complain to Christ against them, hide under his protection, and ask him to take our side against the enemy.
Activity
Benjamin’s Cup
You will need: Bibles, paper and pens
- Read the story of Joseph’s cup in Benjamin’s sack from Genesis 44:1–13, or summarise it.
- Talk about Sibbes’s point: Benjamin looked guilty but had done nothing.
- As a group, discuss the difference between having an unwanted thought and choosing it, without anyone describing their own thoughts.
- Practise Sibbes’s short prayer together: “Jesus, I don’t want this. Take my side against it.”
- Remind everyone that if thoughts like these are a big struggle, telling a trusted adult or doctor is wise.
Week 9 — When You Can’t Pray
Sibbes understood people who feel bad at prayer, distracted and empty, and tells them that if God has given them a desire to pray, he hears it: “God can pick sense out of a confused prayer. These desires cry louder in his ears, than thy sins.” Sometimes all we can say is “O Father,” and that is enough, since God “will accept that which is his own, and pardon that which is ours.” Sibbes urges us to keep praying when we don’t feel like it, because feelings often follow, but also says a worn-out body may need rest, and that “by prayer we learn to pray.” The big idea: God hears weak, messy prayers, so pray as you are able.
“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” — Romans 8:26 (KJV)
Memory verse
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Romans 8:26
Talk together
What does Sibbes say about confused or distracted prayers?
God can pick sense out of a confused prayer, and our desires for him cry louder in his ears than our sins.
How does God accept weak prayers, according to Sibbes?
He accepts what is his own in them and pardons what is ours.
What does Sibbes mean by “reward followeth work”?
Good feelings and freedom in prayer often come after we start, not before.
Activity
Confused Prayers
You will need: Paper and pens
- As a group, list the things that make prayer hard, such as wandering thoughts, not knowing what to say, or feeling nothing.
- Read Sibbes’s line “God can pick sense out of a confused prayer” and talk about how it changes the list.
- Spend three minutes praying silently together, using just the word “Father” whenever words run out.
- Ask everyone to plan privately a short, regular time to pray each day this week.
Week 10 — Don’t Believe Lies About Jesus
Sibbes warns that when we feel guilty, the enemy paints Christ as a severe judge armed against us, when God shows him “holding out a sceptre of mercy, and spreading his arms to receive us.” Any tenderness in a father, brother or friend is only a beam from him, and like a father who sees his own likeness in his child, Christ loves us: “We are weak, but we are his.” Sibbes also warns against “a lying comfort” that uses mercy as an excuse to keep sinning, for mercy is meant to draw us to Christ and change us. The big idea: Jesus is not a harsh judge but our advocate, and his kindness is meant to change us.
“My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.” — 1 John 2:1 (KJV)
Memory verse
My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.
1 John 2:1
Talk together
What false picture of Jesus does the enemy try to give us?
A severe judge armed with justice against us, angry and waiting to punish.
What does Sibbes say about a father and his child?
A father looks less at his child’s blemishes than at his own nature in the child; so Christ finds reasons to love us in what is his own in us.
Why is mercy not an excuse to keep sinning?
Because mercy is meant to draw us closer to Christ; using it to stay in sin is “a lying comfort.”
Activity
Two Pictures of Jesus
You will need: Paper and pens
- Draw two frames side by side, labelled “The false picture” and “The true picture”.
- As a group, fill the first with words from the chapter that describe the false picture, such as severe judge and armed against us.
- Fill the second with the true picture, such as sceptre of mercy and arms spread to receive us.
- Talk about how each picture would affect what someone does after they have done wrong.
- Read 1 John 2:1 aloud and talk about why it holds both mercy and the call to change.
Week 11 — Be Gentle with Bruised People
Sibbes turns to how we should treat struggling people, urging preachers not to make the Christian life sound impossible and everyone to lean towards gentleness, not to “kill a fly on the forehead with a beetle,” a heavy mallet. “Misery should be a loadstone of mercy, not a footstool for pride to trample on”: another’s failure should draw mercy out of us like a magnet. He says we are debtors to the weak and must not take up “Satan’s office” of assuming the worst or spreading rumours, while gentleness still restores someone rather than pretending wrong is right. The big idea: if Jesus is this gentle with bruised reeds, his followers should be too.
“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” — Galatians 6:1 (KJV)
Memory verse
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Galatians 6:1
Talk together
What does Sibbes mean by not killing “a fly on the forehead with a beetle”?
Don’t overreact to small faults by crushing people; a beetle was a heavy wooden mallet.
What does “Misery should be a loadstone of mercy” mean?
Someone else’s pain should draw mercy out of us like a magnet, not give us a chance to look down on them.
What does Sibbes call it when we look for bad motives behind others’ good actions?
Taking up “Satan’s office.”
Activity
Magnet or Footstool?
You will need: Paper and pens
- Read out Sibbes’s line about the loadstone and the footstool, and explain that a loadstone is a magnet.
- As a group, describe a few made-up situations, such as someone’s embarrassing message being screenshotted, or a friend failing a test after boasting.
- For each, talk through what a footstool response and a magnet response would look like.
- Ask everyone to think privately of one person they could be gentle with this week, and one practical way to do it.
Week 12 — Gentle, but King
Sibbes explains that Jesus keeps caring for the bruised reed “till he send forth judgment unto victory,” meaning his rule in our hearts: Christ “so pardons as he will be obeyed as a king.” Unlike earthly rulers, he writes his laws on our hearts and gives the desire and strength to obey, and following him is the wisest way to live. Sibbes offers questions for wise choices: does this bring me nearer to God, will it bring peace or sorrow in the end, and what was best “in our worst times”. The big idea: the gentle Jesus is also King, and under his rule we find rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” — Matthew 11:29 (KJV)
Memory verse
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:29
Talk together
What does “judgment” mean in Sibbes’s verse?
Christ’s rule or government in our hearts.
What can Christ do that earthly rulers cannot?
Write his laws on people’s hearts, giving them not just commands but the love and strength to obey.
Why do Christ’s gentleness and kingship go together?
He is gentle so we will come to him, and King so that he can change us and make us whole.
Activity
Sibbes’s Questions
You will need: Paper and pens
- Write Sibbes’s questions on a sheet: Will this bring me nearer to God or further away? Will it bring peace or sorrow in the end? What would I think of it at the end of my life?
- As a group, choose a common decision teens face, such as how to spend a free evening or whether to join in with something.
- Run the decision through each question together and see where it leads.
- Ask everyone to think privately of one decision they face this week and to run it through the same questions.
Week 13 — The Fight You Will Win
Sibbes is honest that the Christian life is a fight, since “There can be no victory where there is no combat,” but he insists the victory rests on Christ, who conquers both for us and in us. We should look less at our enemies than at our Captain, for “We have more for us, than against us,” and “None are here overcome, but he that will not fight.” Sibbes died in London in 1635, saying his soul was very well, and his most famous sentence sums up the book: “There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us.” The big idea: however weak your faith, Jesus will keep going with you until the victory is won.
“But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” — 1 Corinthians 15:57 (KJV)
Memory verse
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:57
Talk together
Whose job is it to win the victory over sin, according to Sibbes?
Christ’s; he has taken it on himself to conquer for us and in us.
What does Sibbes mean by “None are here overcome, but he that will not fight”?
The only way to lose is to give up; anyone who keeps fighting with Christ will win.
What is Sibbes’s most famous sentence?
“There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us.”
Activity
More Mercy
You will need: Small cards and pens
- Read Sibbes’s closing prayer aloud: “Lord Jesus, thou hast promised not to quench the smoking flax, not to break the bruised reed; cherish thine own grace in me, leave me not to myself, the glory shall be thine.”
- Have everyone copy it onto a card to pray each morning.
- On the back of the card, write “There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us.”
- Look back over the thirteen weeks and invite anyone who wishes to share one thing they have learned about how gentle Jesus is.