Raising Arrows

The Father's Sacred Duty "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

— Psalm 127:3–5 Of all the gifts God gives a man, few are greater than children. And of all the responsibilities God gives a man, none is weightier than fatherhood.

The psalmist compares children to arrows in the hand of a warrior. Think carefully about that picture. An arrow is not aimless. An arrow is sharpened, shaped, fitted, aimed, and released toward a target. A warrior who throws arrows blindly is no warrior at all. A father who brings children into the world but does not shape them, sharpen them, aim them at the glory of God is a warrior with a quiver he cannot use.

Yet how many of our homes today are full of unformed arrows? Fathers have brought children into the world and then abandoned their shaping to the mother, to the school, to the church, to the television, to the streets. Our nations are overrun with young men who have never been fathered.

They know how to survive, but they do not know how to live. They know how to take, but they do not know how to love. They have seen anger, but they have not seen tenderness. They have been beaten, but they have not been blessed. And they grow up to be like the men who made them.

This cycle must be broken, and God has put the axe in your hand.

The foundational passage on fatherhood in the Bible is Deuteronomy 6:4–9. Every Jewish father knew it by heart. Every Christian father should know it by heart too. "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

Notice carefully, father. Before you can impress God's word on your children, it must be on your own heart. A man cannot give what he does not have. If the Bible is not shaping you, it will not shape your children through you. This is the first work of fatherhood — to be a man of the Word yourself.

Then notice the times: when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up. That is, all the time. Fatherhood is not a Sunday morning event. It is not outsourced to the pastor. It is the quiet, daily, thousand-times-repeated work of teaching your children who God is, why He made them, what He has said, and how they should live. In the evening around the fire. In the morning at the breakfast table. On the boda-boda ride to school. In the garden as you dig together. Everywhere, always, you are discipling them.

Paul writes to the Ephesians, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). There are two sides to this. The negative side: do not exasperate. Do not provoke them to anger by your harshness, your unfairness, your absence, your favoritism, your drunkenness, your rage. Many fathers in our culture have exasperated their children through physical and verbal abuse, and it is one of the chief reasons our young people walk away from the church. They associate God the Father with their earthly father, and if their earthly father was a terror, they run from God too. This must not be.

The positive side: bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. The word "training" means discipline, shaping, molding — it is an active, intentional forming of character. The word "instruction" means teaching, explanation, warning. A father must do both. He must teach them and he must shape them. And he must do it "of the Lord" — not according to his own preferences or his own frustrations, but according to what the Lord has commanded.

Discipline is part of love. "The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son" (Hebrews 12:6). A father who does not discipline his children does not love them. But discipline is not abuse. Biblical discipline is done in love, not in rage. It is done for the child's good, not for the father's relief. It is followed by restoration, not by lingering bitterness. It is always tied to teaching, so the child understands not just that he is being punished, but why his behavior is wrong.

In our African culture, the cane has been used freely for generations. I will not debate every cultural practice here, but I will say this: many of us crossed a line from biblical discipline into cruelty, and our children have carried those scars into adulthood. Hear the Word of God: "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21). If your child is afraid of you more than they love you, something is wrong.

Let me give you some practical aims for your children. Aim them at Christ. The first goal of fatherhood is their salvation. Pray it over them every day. Teach them the gospel over and over.

Do not assume they are Christians just because they were born into a Christian home. Lead each child to personal faith in Jesus.

Aim them with wisdom. Proverbs was written by a father, Solomon, for his son. Read Proverbs together. Teach them about the choice between the way of the wise and the way of the fool, between diligence and laziness, between purity and adultery, between the fear of the Lord and the folly of the scoffer.

Aim them at usefulness. Teach them to work with their hands. Teach them to serve others. Teach them to manage money. Teach them to be humble. Teach your sons how to treat women — in how you treat their mother. Teach your daughters what a godly man looks like — in who you are. Your life is the curriculum. Your words are secondary.

Aim them at the local church. Do not let them see Christianity as a family-only affair. Take them to church every week. Introduce them to godly mentors. Let them see you serving, giving, worshipping, submitting to other leaders. If they see that church is important to you, it will be important to them.

Brother, consider the father in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15). When his younger son returned in shame and rags, the father ran to him, embraced him, kissed him, restored him. That is the heart of God. And that is the heart a father must have. Sometimes our children will disappoint us. Sometimes they will break our hearts. The call of a father is not to write them off, but to watch the road with eyes full of hope, ready to run when they turn home.

Your children did not ask to be born. God gave them to you, and He will ask you one day what you did with them. Not what you bought for them, but what you built into them. Not how many you had, but what they became. Be a father worth having. Aim your arrows well. And one day, by God's grace, your quiver will be full of arrows flying for the glory of God.

A Prayer Heavenly Father, You are the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name. You have given me children as a heritage and a responsibility.

Forgive me for every time I have been too busy, too harsh, too distant, too angry, too silent. Forgive me for exasperating them instead of shepherding them. Give me the grace to disciple them — to read Your Word with them, to pray with them, to correct them with love, to model Christ before them. Save my children, Lord. May not one of them be lost. Use me as Your instrument to shape them into arrows that will fly far and hit the target of Your glory. In the name of Jesus Christ, our elder Brother, Amen.