The Call to Preach

But still I could not believe that any such line of duty was enjoined upon me. Though one intimation came after another, and I had warning after warning, to prepare me for and urge me to it, I went on from one degree to another, without seriously and earnestly entertaining the subject; yet I often reflected on that which had been expressed by this kind friend, and especially on what had fallen from the lips of my dear sister Hannah but a short time previously to her death; but I kept these things very reservedly to myself, and pondered them in my heart, as did Mary the mother of Christ. Besides all this, I continually endured such sore trials from my poor unconverted husband, as powerfully operated to deter me from the thought of such an undertaking; but on the other hand, when I had been contemplating the wonderful works of creation, or revelation of the mind and truth of God to man, by the inspiration of his prophets, I have been lost in astonishment at the perception of a voice, which either externally or internally, has spoken to me, and revealed to my understanding many surprising and precious truths. I have often started at having my solitary, contemplative silence thus broken; and looked around me as if with the view of discovering or recognising the ethereal attendant who so kindly ministered to me, Heb. i. 14; not, indeed, with the slightest alarm, though with much wonder; for I enjoyed so intimate and heavenly an intercourse with God, that I was assured He had sent an angel to instruct me in such of His holy mysteries as were otherwise beyond my comprehension. Such communications were most gratifying and delightful to me; yet I had not sagacity sufficient to discern, that, gifted with such an aid as this, I had a sufficiency from God for the proclamation of his gospel. 2 Cor. iii. 5. Every thing failed to convince me that God had destined me for the ministry; intimation and qualification were alike unheeded by my unbelieving ignorance of the will and ways of God; and thus I continued, for several years after my sister’s death, unmindful of the allurements as well as the precepts of God.

As all other means had failed to move me to proceed upon my appointed duties, the Lord used other means to move me; for when gentle means do not answer, the rod must be applied to bring us into subjection to our Master’s will. In 1819, it pleased God to lay me upon a bed of affliction, with a sickness which, to all appearance, was unto death; an internal inflammation wasted my body, in defiance of all the means and remedies which were resorted to; and I grew worse and worse. The medical gentleman who attended me said, he could do no more for me; he was a very pious Christian, and his visits were very precious to me; for we often held much sweet counsel together about the things of God. Real religion is very seldom to be found amongst the medical profession; but thanks be to God, there are some to be met with, occasionally, who can administer comfort to the soul while relieving the ailments of the body; and thus it was with him.

I had many persons come from far and near to visit me, because God was with me; my soul was preserved in great peace and tranquillity; but, on one occasion, when in conversation with my husband about my death, which seemed to be fast approaching, I could not forbear from weeping, from the thought of leaving behind me, in this evil and stormy life, my poor little girl who was then about seven years of age. It then occurred to my mind, that this natural anxiety which I felt, did not comport with an absolute submission to the will of God; and evinced the inordinate strength and force of those ties by which I was still bound to this earth. I then, in prayer, pledged myself afresh to God, begging that he would effectually wean me from all the excesses of nature’s ties; and that my affections and will might be brought into due submission to the will of my heavenly Father. I wrestled in prayer against my insubordinate affections, for about two hours, and the Lord graciously bestowed upon me the victory; and I became so dead to this world, that I felt no anxiety to give any directions as to what should be done for the child after my decease. I was perfectly resigned to the will of God, and willing either to live or die as he thought best; though I could rather have preferred to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. While thus awaiting the divine disposal, my doctor came in one morning, and said, “There is but one thing more that I can try for you, and it is a very severe operation; nor can I say how it will affect you; but if you wish to try it, I will apply it in the name of God;” adding, “that it is our duty to try every means for the restoration of health, leaving the event to God.” I therefore consented to submit to the operation, which was, to have my side burnt with caustic, and have an issue inserted therein. I complied, and the thing was done; but it well nigh proved the breaking asunder of the slender thread of life. A kind Quaker lady, who much visited and attended to me during my illness, being unable to witness the operation, was absent from me on that day: when she came on the morrow, I had scarcely power left me sufficiently to recognise her; and my exhaustion was so extreme, that I could not even raise my hand. I was many weeks ere I recovered from this painful operation, and my debility was long protracted; but at times the presence of the Holy Spirit was so powerful within me, that I seemed quite invigorated and strong; and in this illness, I received another striking communication in reference to my future employment in the ministry; it occurred after the renewed dedication of my soul to God as above related. About twelve o’clock one night, when all was hushed to silence, a human figure in appearance, came and stood by my bed-side, and addressed these words to me, “Be of good cheer, for thou shalt yet see another camp-meeting; and at that meeting thou shalt know the will of God concerning thee.” I then put forth my hand to touch it, and discovered that it was not really a human being, but a supernatural appearance. I was not in the least alarmed, for the room was filled with the glory of God, who had permitted the veil to be removed from my mortal vision, that I might have a glimpse of one of our heavenly attendants,—of one who had a message to deliver to me from God. There are many sceptical persons who conceitedly, rashly, and idly scoff at the idea of apparitions and angelic appearances; but they ignorantly do it in the face of the most extensive experience, instinct, belief, and credible testimony of persons of every nation, and of all ages, as well as the inspired statements of the Scriptures. The universal belief of mankind in the separate existence of the soul after death, is sustained, not by fanciful speculations, but by matters of fact; from facts of this class, this belief derives more substantial support and confirmation than from all the cold deductions of metaphysical ratiocination. Ocular proof is its own demonstration, and commands a far more extensive currency than logical influence. Seldom do the juries of our criminal courts establish their verdicts on evidence equally abundant and express, with that which is furnished by every locality to facts of this description; and the number of such facts in the possession of the present generation of mankind, or even of each hamlet or parish in the world, is astonishingly greater than ever meets the ear of the public, or enters into the conceptions of the headstrong, heroic, and unreasoning sceptic. From that moment I was assured of my ultimate recovery; nor could any human assurances or arguments have persuaded me to the contrary. Soon after this, one of our ministers having heard of my illness, and of the happy frame of my mind, travelled a distance of several miles to see me; he informed me, that he longed to be in such a situation as mine—so near to the gate of heaven. I replied, “Brother, it seemeth to me that I shall yet see another camp-meeting.” He then addressed me in a manner that implied, that in his judgment it was quite impossible, and out of the question. But from the very hour in which the kind celestial messenger delivered to me that comforting and assuring announcement, I began to amend; though my recovery was very gradual, and it was a long time ere I was able to sit up. Thanks be unto the Lord, my sickness was not unto death, but for the glory of God. So sturdy had been my unbelief, that my merciful and indulgent God was thereby induced to adopt more severe and extraordinary means to bring me into subjection to his holy will. My spirit and temper were now subdued, and resigned to do the will of God, which I was desirous to ascertain, but my hour was not yet come; I therefore waited patiently until the time when it was to be revealed to me, often, in the mean time, saying, “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? whatever seemeth good unto Thee, give me the ability, and I will do it.”

Eight months had passed away since I had been permitted to attend in the sanctuary of God; but the happy day arrived at last, when I was sufficiently recovered to repair thither again. My kind friends came to assist me to go to the chapel, by supporting me on each side; and I arrived there very comfortably. A minister occupied the pulpit on that occasion, who was unknown to me, and preached on the nocturnal visit of Nicodemus to Jesus. He spoke with much power, and the glory of God filled the house; the people shouted for joy, and the whole place seemed in motion. Glory for ever! Glory be to God! for his presence was manifested on earth. After an interval of fifteen months from the time when I received the angelic announcement, I heard it published in the meeting, that there was to be a camp-meeting in five weeks from that time. At the moment when I heard the notice proclaimed, I felt a sensation as if I had received a blow on the head, or had sustained an electric shock. So singular a feeling surprised me, and gave rise to much thought; but I could not account for, or explain its cause.

The spot where the camp-meeting was announced to be held, was at a great distance from my home; and as my long indisposition had borne heavily on my earthly resources and entirely exhausted them, I knew not how I should be furnished with sufficient means to undertake such a journey. My poor husband was extremely hostile to religion, and had an extravagant prejudice against camp-meetings; the bare mention of them usually irritated him, excited him to treat me with much bitterness, and urged him to denounce them as pregnant with all manner of evil. However, on my return home, I informed him of the projected camp-meeting, and of my desire to be present at it; and contrary to my expectations, he spoke not a word in reply. I was surprised at this, but I regarded it as springing from the restraining power of that God, who, on one occasion, would not permit even a dog to move his tongue against the children of Israel as they passed by.

I had been ill nearly two years, and was even then unable to help myself; nor had I any apparel suitable for me to go into the grove with; and much clothing was requisite for such an occasion. I knew not therefore what to do; it would have been useless to have applied to my husband for assistance for such a purpose: go without more apparel I could not; I was therefore quite at a stand to know how to proceed. But God took the cause in hand, and made the way plain and pleasant; for my dear old master Mitchel, under whom I had been brought up, had heard a year back that Zilpha was very sick; and though he had received no subsequent intelligence as to whether she lived or died, yet he thought if she was living, she must by this time be in need of some pecuniary assistance; he had been inclined, therefore, to send her a supply of money, but knew not how to effect it from want of opportunity. However, in the month of August, the society of Friends hold their quarterly meetings in Burlington, New Jersey; and they are in the practice of taking long journeys to attend these meetings; so he encouraged his son and daughter to come over to the meeting at Burlington; desiring them when there, to search after and if possible find out the residence of Zilpha, present his kind love to her, and hand her a donation which he committed to their care. When the quarterly meeting of the Friends came on in our city, to my great astonishment who should come to see me, but William and Achsah Mitchel, the former companions of my youthful days, with whom I had been reared; and as we had not seen each other for several years, it was indeed a happy meeting; and they came to me with presents, as did the wise men who came to the infant Jesus and his mother, and presented them with frankincense and myrrh; to God be all the praise! Then I might have said with Job’s friend, “The Almighty has been my defence; and now I have plenty of silver.” Being thus supplied, I was enabled to make preparations for going into the mount of God, to hear his holy word; and during all my preparations, my husband, contrary to his usual manner, preserved a perfect silence. Thus all went on easily and calmly, it being the Lord’s doing, and it was marvellous in my eyes.

As the time drew near, we ascertained that a considerable number of coloured people were about going thither from our parts; and the members of our class arranged for all of them to sojourn together in one tent. But we were as yet unprovided with one, nor did we know where or how to procure it. My heavenly Father then put it into my heart to go to a friend of mine, and ask for the loan of his tent, and I obtained it at my request without the least hesitation; and thus all things were provided in readiness for the projected journey.

I have been particular in narrating these circumstances, to show the ever-mindful care of God for us; and how he disposes our matters even when we are unable to discern any possible way, or to provide for the exigencies which clog up and embarrass our paths. How remarkable was it that my dear father Mitchel, who had brought me up from my childhood, should, after an absence of ten years, be stirred up in his mind to send me such a timely relief; and the more especially as it was the first favour of the kind that I received from him. Oh! let all the powers within me unite in fervent adoration of the God I love.

At length the auspicious morning arrived for us to proceed on our journey to the holy mount of God; the carriage soon drove up to my door, and I bade farewell to my dear husband. We started off, and it being a delightful day, we had a very pleasant journey, and arrived on the camp ground in the afternoon of the same day. I was very cordially received by the dear friends, and the dear brethren in the ministry joyfully hailed my appearance on the camp ground; and I was promptly handed to a seat to take refreshments after my journey. There were thousands already assembled; but the best of all was, God was there; and much good was accomplished in the name of Jesus. Friday and Saturday were two heavenly days indeed; the mighty power of God was greatly displayed, and His ministers were like a flame of fire; so animated with godly zeal. I never saw so much godly effort and evangelic exertion displayed in all my life as on that occasion. On the Lord’s-day morning, the presiding Elder stepped forth in the might of the Holy Spirit, like Joshua, when he went to meet the angelic captain of the Lord’s hosts, and said, “Let this day be entirely spent in holiness to the Lord; let no table be spread; but let us abstain as much as possible from food, and see what the Lord will do for us this day; for this is the great day of battle against the old dragon and the powers of darkness.” Oh! what a memorable day was this. The public prayer-meeting commenced at seven o’clock in the morning; and at half-past eight o’clock, dear Mr. Potts preached a powerful sermon, under which many souls were awakened to a concern for their eternal interests. At ten, the trumpet sounded again for preaching, and the presiding Elder preached from 2 Cor. v. 20. “Now then we are ambassadors for Christ; as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.” When he came to the application of his discourse, there seemed not to be one person on the spot, whose eyes were not suffused with tears; both high and low, rich and poor, white and coloured, were all melted like wax before the fire. In every part of that vast concourse, the number of which was estimated at seven thousands, there were heaving bursts of penitential emotion, with streaming eyes; and the mighty action of the Holy Spirit, and the quickening energy of God was so obvious and exhilirating, that all the sons of God shouted for joy. At the conclusion of this lively and interesting meeting, the people returned to their tents to pray with, and direct and comfort those who were in the distresses of godly sorrow. A number of persons were collected in our tent, who were in great distress, earnestly imploring the mercy of God. We engaged in fervent prayer with and for them; and a great noise being made from the mingling of so many voices, and of such various tones of sorrow and rejoicing, of despair and exultation, of prayer and praise, hundreds were attracted to the place, and came round to witness the scene, and ascertain what was going forward. One of the brethren manifested some uneasiness and dissatisfaction at the eagerness with which the people came rushing into our tent; and I said to him, “Oh, never mind, my brother; let them come in and see the wonderful works of God;” and I was in the act of pressing through the crowd to open the back part of the tent, which I was just about to do, when I felt, as it were a hand, touch me on the right shoulder; and a voice said to me, “Go outside of the tent while I speak with thee.” I turned myself round to see from whom the voice proceeded; but there were none near me but those of our own company; and not any of them were addressing me. I immediately went outside and stood at the door of the tent; and in an instant I began as it were involuntarily, or from an internal prompting, with a loud voice to exhort the people who yet were remaining near the preacher’s stand; and in the presence of a more numerous assemblage of ministers than I had ever seen together before; as if God had called forth witnesses from heaven, and witnesses on earth, ministers and members, to witness on this day to my commission, and the qualifications He bestowed on me to preach his holy Gospel. How appropriate to me was the text which had been preached from just before, “Now, then, we are ambassadors for Christ.” Our dear ministers stood gazing and listening with wonder and astonishment; and the tears flowed abundantly down their cheeks while they witnessed the wonderful works of God. After I had finished my exhortation, I sat down and closed my eyes; and there appeared a light shining round about me as well as within me, above the brightness of the sun; and out of that light, the same identical voice which had spoken to me on the bed of sickness many months before, spake again to me on the camp ground, and said, “Now thou knowest the will of God concerning thee; thou must preach the gospel; and thou must travel far and wide.” This is my commission for the work of the ministry, which I received, not from mortal man, but from the voice of an invisible and heavenly personage sent from God. Moreover, this did not occur in the night, when the dozing slumbers and imaginative dreams are prevalent, but at mid-day, between the hours of twelve and two o’clock; and my ministry was commenced in the midst of thousands who were both eye and ear witnesses of the fact. Oh, adorable Trinity! dispose me to do thy holy will in all things. This was my experience on the Lord’s day on the camp ground; a day wherein the energies of the Holy Spirit were amazingly exerted, and His presence circulated; and on which hundreds drank into, and were filled with the Spirit. It was such a day as I never witnessed either before or since. On the Monday came the solemn parting time, of bidding farewell to the brethren and sisters, who were about to proceed to their different stations and places of residence, never to meet again until they meet before the throne of Jesus. Many hundreds of them have doubtless, since then, gone to their final rest; and will sing the praises of their Redeemer in that world of immortality to which we are all hastening; may we then hail their happiness; and with them share the bliss of the blood-bought myriads around the glorious throne in heaven. Having taken our farewell of the dear friends on the camp ground, we started for Burlington; and happily and safely returned home more spiritual and heavenly minded, and stronger in the Lord, than when we came. On my arrival at home, I found all well, and things peaceful and quiet; and for a short time, I went on my way rejoicing.

But Satan, my unwearied adversary, did not suffer me long to remain exempted from conflict and trouble. Soon after my return, I laid my case in reference to my call to the work of the ministry before the ministers; and they greatly encouraged me to proceed, and to preach wherever and whenever opportunities offered. They saw no impropriety in it, and therefore advised me to go on and do all the good I could. I first broached the subject to Mr. John Potts, the beloved brother who preached at the camp-meeting on the morning of the day on which the heavenly commission was delivered unto me: and I obtained the approbation and sanction of all the ministers and of the society. But some of the members of our class soon began to betray a little jealousy, lest I should rise into too great estimation; for a prophet is not without honour, save in his own country; and they began to discover many faults and imperfections in me; for three years previously there had not been a single jarring string amongst us; and nothing could be done without my opinion being first given: in every thing I suited them exactly, and we were a very loving and happy band: but after I commenced the work of the ministry, I was a person of no account, and ever had been; and I became so unpopular, that all our coloured class abandoned me excepting three. Like Joseph, I was hated for my dreams; and like Paul, none stood with me. This treatment, however painful, by no means damped my ardour in the work to which I had been called. I still continued in my Master’s work, and great crowds assembled every Lord’s day to hear me: the Lord was with me and strengthened me in my feeble labours; the number of white brethren and sisters who flocked to my ministry increased daily; the work prospered amazingly; and thus I had gone on for two months before my husband knew any thing about it; for he never went to a place of worship. At last the tidings came to his ears, and were tauntingly disclosed by one who said to him, “Josh, your wife is a preacher:” this important announcement he met with a direct negative; but when he returned home, he asked me if it was true; and I informed him that it was. “Well,” said he, “I’ll come and hear you, if I come barefoot:” at these words my heart leaped for joy; and I indulged in sanguine hopes that he might thereby be converted to God. He came according to his word; and I think that conviction of the sinfulness of his state strongly fastened on his conscience, for he became much troubled in mind: he was also apprehensive that I should become a laughing-stock for the people; and this also grieved him considerably: sometimes he said to me, “Now child, we are undone:” it appeared to him so strange and singular a thing, that I should become a public speaker; and he advised me to decline the work altogether, and proceed no further. I was very sorry to see him so much grieved about it: but my heavenly Father had informed me that he had a great work for me to do; I could not therefore descend down to the counsel of flesh and blood, but adhered faithfully to my commission; and very soon after, all my friends who had forsaken, me, returned to me again, for they perceived that God was with me; and many were added to our numbers, whom I hope to meet in the realms of immortality.

My poor husband’s health about this time began visibly to decline; and his disorder soon settled into an intractable consumption: the amount of care which now devolved upon me was very great; I was compelled to work very hard to keep my little family and household comfortable in this time of affliction; and it was frequently with great difficulty that I balanced my income and expenditure; but thanks be to God, he opened my way before me, comforted, cheered and strengthened me, and conducted me through all my difficulties far beyond my expectations: it is true, I diligently used every means in my power, and my exertions were sanctified and blessed by the Lord. The worst feature of this affliction was, that my dear husband yet remained a stranger to the precious blood of atonement, and to the Lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world. A short time prior to his death, he indicated a better state of mind than formerly: he even confessed the misconduct with which he had behaved towards me; requested my forgiveness, and expressed his hope of meeting me in the better world; he acknowledged that my behaviour had ever been irreproachable; and hoped that the Lord would ever sustain me: many other things he uttered of much importance; and his countenance assumed such a calmness and sweetness, that the neighbours who visited him observed the change, and spake of it with great satisfaction. Glory be to God, who doeth all things well; who is too wise to err, too good to be unkind.

“Above the rest this note shall swell,
My Jesus hath done all things well.”