Disappointed in the Best Way

“In thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” — Psalm 16:11 (KJV)

After the tree, Nicolas wanted to give his whole life to God. In 1640 he joined the Discalced Carmelites in Paris, a community of monks, as a lay brother: one of the men who did the practical work of the house. That is when he took the name Brother Lawrence.

His reason for joining is almost funny. He expected to be miserable. Beaufort records that he went into the monastery “thinking that he would there be made to smart for his awkwardness and the faults he should commit.” To smart means to hurt. He assumed that a clumsy man in a strict religious house would be told off constantly, and he was ready for it. He was going to give God his life and all its pleasures, and pay for his mistakes along the way.

Then this happened, in Beaufort’s words:

“God had disappointed him, he having met with nothing but satisfaction in that state.”

God disappointed him. Lawrence had braced himself for a hard, gloomy life, and instead he found joy. Not because the work was easy or the rules were loose, but because he found God there.

A lot of people, maybe including you, carry around a quiet suspicion that following God properly would make life smaller and sadder. Fewer laughs, more rules, the fun switched off. Brother Lawrence went into the monastery believing exactly that, and found he was wrong. Later he would say that his life was spent “in perfect liberty and continual joy.”

That doesn’t mean everything was easy. The next chapter is about years of fear and inner pain, and the kitchen job he hated is coming too. But underneath it all, Lawrence discovered that being close to God is not a punishment you put up with. It is the place your heart was made for. The psalm at the top of this chapter says the same: in God’s presence is fullness of joy.

If you have been holding back from God because you think he will take the good things away, Brother Lawrence would want you to know: he expected that too, and God disappointed him.

One thing to do this week: be honest with God about one thing you are afraid you would have to give up if you followed him completely. Say it out loud to him. Then ask him to show you what joy with him actually looks like.