What If I’m Being Bullied?

The short answer: Being bullied is never your fault, and God sees every bit of it. Tell a trusted adult, and keep telling until something changes; if it’s happening online, keep the evidence. You don’t have to fight back in the same way, and forgiving someone never means staying somewhere unsafe.

If you’re being bullied, you probably already know how it feels: the knot in your stomach on the way to school, the dread when your phone buzzes, the replaying of every cruel word at night. Maybe you’ve started to wonder whether you deserve it. Let’s be completely clear.

Being bullied is never the victim’s fault. Not because of how you look, how you talk, what you believe, how much money your family has, or anything else. The person choosing to be cruel is responsible for that choice.

God sees, and God cares

The Bible has a lot to say to people who are being pushed around. One psalm says to God, “But You have regarded trouble and grief; You see to repay it by Your hand. The victim entrusts himself to You” (Psalm 10:14). Another says, “Put my tears in Your bottle— are they not in Your book?” (Psalm 56:8). Not one of your tears has gone unnoticed.

God is also just. Bullying is not a small thing to Him. The same psalm promises that God will “vindicate the fatherless and oppressed, that the men of the earth may strike terror no more” (Psalm 10:18). He is on the side of the one being crushed.

And Jesus knows what it is like from the inside. Isaiah said of Him, “He was despised and rejected by men” (Isaiah 53:3). He was mocked, spat on, laughed at in public and stripped in front of a crowd. Whatever is being said or done to you, you are not facing it with a God who doesn’t understand.

Telling is not snitching

Many people stay silent because they don’t want to be a “snitch”, or because they’re afraid it’ll get worse. But telling an adult about bullying isn’t getting someone in trouble for fun. It’s asking for protection, which is exactly what adults are there for. The Bible even tells us to “open your mouth for those with no voice” (Proverbs 31:8). Sometimes the person with no voice is you, and you’re allowed to speak up for yourself.

• Tell a trusted adult. A parent, a teacher, a head of year, a youth leader. Be specific: who, what, when, where.
• Keep telling. If the first adult doesn’t help, tell another. And if it carries on, go back and say so.
• Keep the evidence. If it’s online or by message, screenshot it before you block or report. Save dates and times.
• Stay near safe people. Walk with friends; avoid being alone where it usually happens, if you can.

Don’t fight fire with fire

When you’ve been hurt, it’s natural to want to hurt back: the clever insult, the screenshot shared to humiliate them, the fist. Paul writes, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil” and “Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath” (Romans 12:17, 19). That isn’t because what they did doesn’t matter. It’s because God takes it so seriously that He has promised to deal with it Himself. When Jesus was abused, “He did not retaliate... but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).

Refusing to retaliate isn’t the same as doing nothing. It means telling, reporting and protecting yourself, rather than becoming the thing you hate. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

Forgiveness is not staying unsafe

You may hear that Christians should forgive. That’s true, and in time God can help you do it (Book 2 answered how to forgive someone who really hurt you). But forgiving someone does not mean pretending it’s fine, keeping quiet, or putting yourself back in harm’s way. You can forgive and still report. You can forgive and still keep your distance.

When it gets too much

Bullying can make people feel worthless, hopeless or desperate to escape. If that’s you, you need more than a strategy. You need someone with you. If you ever think about hurting yourself or not wanting to be alive, tell a parent or trusted adult right away.

And if you see someone else being bullied, don’t join in, don’t laugh along, and tell an adult. You might be the friend they’ve been praying for.

Think about it: If you’re being bullied, which adult will you tell first? If you’ve seen someone else being bullied, what will you do next time?

Go deeper: The Imitation of Christ (For Teens) by Thomas à Kempis — this short chapter on what people say about you insists that other people’s opinions “do not make you different from what you are”, while saying plainly that bullying and threats are not things to carry quietly: tell an adult. Start with chapter 7, “Words Are Just Words”.