I Thought of You

“My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.” — Matthew 26:38 (KJV)

Among Pascal’s notes is a short piece known as “The Mystery of Jesus”. It is not an argument. It is a prayer, written as Pascal thought about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane on the night before he died.

Pascal describes Jesus in agony, praying alone while his closest friends fall asleep. He contrasts two gardens:

“Jesus is in a garden, not of delight as the first Adam, where he lost himself and the whole human race, but in one of agony, where He saved Himself and the whole human race.”

He notices that this is the one time Jesus asked for company and comfort from people, and they let him down. And then he writes a line that has stayed with readers ever since:

“Jesus will be in agony even to the end of the world. We must not sleep during that time.”

Pascal means that Jesus still suffers with his people everywhere, and we are called to stay awake, to pray, to care, and not to drift through life asleep to God and to other people’s pain.

Then something remarkable happens in the text. Pascal starts writing as if Jesus is speaking to him. These are the most personal words in the whole book:

“Console thyself, thou wouldst not seek Me, if thou hadst not found Me.”

Think about what that means for a seeker. If you are looking for God, it is because God has already found you. Your longing for him is a sign that he is already at work in you. You did not start the search; he did.

“I thought of thee in Mine agony, I have sweated such drops of blood for thee.”

In the garden, facing the cross, Jesus was thinking of you. Not humanity in general. You. The drops of sweat and blood were for you.

Pascal kept his Memorial sewn into his coat until he died in 1662, aged only thirty-nine. In his last years he gave away much of what he had to the poor. He even moved out of his own house rather than turn out a poor family whose child had fallen ill. Among his last words was a prayer: “May God never abandon me.”

That is a good prayer to end with. Pascal, the genius, did not end his life with an argument. He ended it with trust in the God who had met him in fire, who had thought of him in Gethsemane, and who had promised never to leave.

One thing to do this week: read Matthew 26:36–46 slowly this week. Imagine yourself in the garden with Jesus. Then read Pascal’s line, “I thought of thee in Mine agony”, and thank Jesus for thinking of you there.