Leader’s guide · 13 weeks

Leader’s guide: Mary Slessor (For Teens)

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This guide takes your group through Mary Slessor (For Teens) in thirteen weeks, one chapter a week. It’s written for teens aged about 13 to 18 and works well for a youth group, a homeschool or a small group. It follows Mary from a Dundee tenement and a weaving loom to Calabar and the forests of Okoyong in West Africa, where she spent nearly forty years rescuing twins, standing against killings and loving people others had thrown away. It tells her story honestly, including her temper, her mistakes and the colonial power that stood behind her.

Each session takes about 30 to 40 minutes. Open by saying the memory verse together (3 minutes). Read the chapter, either aloud together or at home beforehand (5–10 minutes). Talk through the chapter’s three questions, which come with answers to help you (10–15 minutes). Do the activity (10 minutes). Then close in prayer (2–3 minutes), in your own words or by turning the chapter’s closing “One thing to do this week” into a prayer together, and leave that challenge with the group for the week ahead.

To prepare, read the chapter yourself first and look over the activity; most weeks need only paper and pens, or nothing at all. This book includes a father’s drinking and a family’s poverty, the killing and abandonment of twin babies, poison ordeals and killings at funerals, the deaths of many children and of Mary’s own family, and a long season of grief that may have been depression. Some teens may recognise their own homes in Mary’s Saturday nights, so keep reflection private, never press anyone to share, and follow up gently with anyone who seems affected. Be ready to point them to a parent, pastor, teacher, doctor or other trusted adult, as the chapters themselves do.

Week 1 — Saturday Nights

Mary grows up in Aberdeen and Dundee with a gentle, praying mother who follows every report of the Calabar mission, and a father who drinks away the family’s money. On Saturday nights mother and daughter sew and wait for his unsteady footsteps, and Mary prays for him for years without seeing him change before he dies in 1870. The big idea: our heavenly Father pities our weakness, and we can leave our unanswered prayers with him.

“Like as a father pitieth his children, So Jehovah pitieth them that fear him.” — Psalm 103:13 (ASV)

Memory verse

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.

Psalm 103:13

Talk together

  1. What was Mary's home like in Dundee?

    Her father drank away the family's money. Her mother worked in a factory, Mary ran to the pawnbroker, and on Saturday nights they waited in fear for him to come home.

  2. Was her prayer for her father answered?

    No. He never changed, and she said so honestly. She learned to trust her heavenly Father with what she could not understand.

  3. How did Mary's own conversion shape the way she spoke to others about God?

    She was first frightened into faith, but found a kingdom of love, so she never tried to scare anyone into it. She drew people by kindness instead.

Activity

Leave It with Him

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. Read Mary’s words aloud: “I know my heavenly Father so well that I can leave it with Him for the lower fatherhood.”
  2. Discuss the difference between giving up on a prayer and leaving it with God.
  3. Have each person write privately one prayer they have prayed for a long time without an answer, with “I can leave it with Him” underneath.
  4. Repeat plainly what the chapter says: a family’s hidden trouble is not your fault and not your job to keep secret, and anyone who isn’t safe at home should tell a trusted adult.

Read chapter 1

Week 2 — A Changed Lassie

At eleven Mary goes to work at Baxter Brothers’ mill, becomes a skilled weaver, and by twenty-one is head of her household in all but name after her brothers and father die. She reads with a book propped on her loom, teaches rough boys at a church mission, and, by her own later telling, stands her ground when a gang leader swings a lead weight at her head. The big idea: courage is not the absence of fear, and a heavy load carried young can grow something good in us.

“It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.” — Lamentations 3:27 (ASV)

Memory verse

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Lamentations 3:27

Talk together

  1. What was Mary's working life like as a girl?

    From age eleven she worked in a Dundee textile factory, from six in the morning to six at night, and by twenty-one her wages were the family's main support.

  2. What does the lead-weight story show about her courage?

    That courage is staying where you are when you are afraid. She stood still while the weight grazed her forehead, and the gang leader said, “She's game, boys.”

  3. Why did Mary stop trying to meditate the way the book said?

    Her mind “just goes a' roads,” so a friend told her to go and work instead. She learned to pray in the middle of her busy life.

Activity

This Is for You

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. As a group, list the heavy or dull jobs teenagers carry: chores, caring for siblings, part-time work, study.
  2. Read the line “Her courage was not the absence of fear. It was staying put when she wanted to run,” and discuss what it means.
  3. Talk about Mary’s honesty that she couldn’t meditate, and her friend’s advice to go and work instead.
  4. Have each person pick one heavy job for this week and write a one-sentence offering of it to God, such as “This is for you.”

Read chapter 2

Week 3 — Scores of Casks

The Calabar mission began with freed Christians in Jamaica and an invitation from the Efik rulers of Calabar. After her brother John dies, Mary decides to take his place, calling Calabar the post of danger and therefore the post of honour, and in 1876 she sails, watching casks of spirits loaded aboard: “Scores of casks! And only one missionary!” The big idea: you don’t need to feel ready or fearless to say “Here I am,” only to know how much God has done for you.

“And I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then I said, Here am I; send me.” — Isaiah 6:8 (ASV)

Memory verse

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.”

Isaiah 6:8

Talk together

  1. Who first imagined and invited the Calabar mission?

    Freed African Jamaicans who had become Christians first imagined it, and the king and chiefs of the Efik towns of Calabar invited the missionaries in 1843.

  2. What did Mary mean by “Scores of casks! And only one missionary!”?

    The same ship carrying her to Africa was carrying huge amounts of alcohol. She had seen what drink did to her own family, and it was a sad joke about which cargo Europe was sending more of.

  3. Why does the order of Isaiah's call matter?

    Isaiah first saw God's holiness and was forgiven, and only then said, “Here am I; send me.” The call starts with God's mercy, not with a person's bravery or gifts.

Activity

Here I Am

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. Read Isaiah 6:1–8 aloud and point out that Isaiah sees God’s holiness and is forgiven before he says “Here I am.”
  2. Discuss why the chapter says Mary wasn’t a heroine when she said yes.
  3. As a group, brainstorm small places God might send a teenager this week: a lonely classmate, a neighbour, a younger sibling.
  4. Have each person write down one small thing they will do, and pray Isaiah’s words over it.

Read chapter 3

Week 4 — Not in Haste

In Calabar Mary meets an ordered Efik society with its own law, poison ordeals and killings at funerals, learns Efik by ear, and quietly sends most of her salary home. A man asks why Christian countries bring rum if it is bad, and she cannot answer him. At Old Town she confronts the killing of twins, rescues a pair, loses the boy to his relatives, and takes the girl, Janie, home to Scotland. The big idea: the one who trusts God does not need to rush, because the best things often grow slowly.

“he that believeth shall not be in haste.” — Isaiah 28:16 (ASV)

Memory verse

Whoever believes will not be in haste.

Isaiah 28:16

Talk together

  1. Who ruled Calabar when Mary arrived?

    The Efik, through their own Houses and the Ekpe society. No European power governed it in 1876.

  2. What could Mary not answer when she spoke against the rum?

    A man asked why, if rum was bad, the “god-man” from Christian countries brought it. The trade came from Europe, and she had no answer.

  3. Was Mary the first person to oppose the killing of twins?

    No. The Efik rulers and the British consul had banned it in 1849 and 1851, and missionaries had rescued twins since 1852. Mary carried the fight into places the law did not reach.

Activity

Slow Growth

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. As a group, list things that can’t be rushed: friendships, skills, trust, learning a language.
  2. Discuss why Mary wrote this verse as a reminder to herself, and why a law against killing twins didn’t change people’s beliefs overnight.
  3. Talk about the rum seller’s question: how can a Christian’s life back up, or undercut, what they say?
  4. Have each person write privately one thing they are impatient about and one faithful step they can take this week.

Read chapter 4

Week 5 — Stranded and Alone

Back in Scotland Mary cares for baby Janie and provides alone for her mother and her sick sister, and her mother gives her back to God for wherever he sends her. Within weeks of Mary’s sailing again, her mother dies and then her sister, and she writes that she is “stranded and alone,” yet free to go up-country. Her house in Creek Town fills with rescued children, and the mission sends her to Okoyong. The big idea: when our flesh and heart fail, God is still the strength of our heart.

“My flesh and my heart faileth; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.” — Psalm 73:26 (ASV)

Memory verse

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

Talk together

  1. What did Mary's mother say when Mary asked to go up-country?

    “You are my child, given to me by God, and I have given you back to Him. When He needs you and where He sends you, there I would have you be.”

  2. What happened to Mary's family in 1885 and 1886?

    Her sister Susan died in April 1885, her mother died in December 1885 just after Mary sailed, and her sister Janie died in March 1886.

  3. What did she mean by “Heaven is now nearer to me than Britain”?

    With her family gone, her strongest ties were now in heaven, and there was no one at home to worry if she went into dangerous places.

Activity

We Remember

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. Discuss the chapter’s point that grieving people often feel everyone else has moved on.
  2. As a group, list simple ways to show a grieving person you remember: a message on a hard anniversary, saying the name of the one they lost, a visit.
  3. Have each person write privately the name of someone who has lost a person they love, even long ago.
  4. Encourage them to send that person a short message this week.
  5. Remind the group that if grief ever turns into feeling they can’t go on, they should tell a safe person or call a crisis line.

Read chapter 5

Week 6 — “Father!”

Okoyong is forest country where people accused of witchcraft face the poison ordeal and killings follow a chief’s death. In August 1888 Mary sets out with five children, and facing the dark forest, too afraid even to move her lips in prayer, she manages one word inside: “Father!” She goes back alone through the forest that night to fetch the loads, and her first victory saves a young slave’s life, though he is still chained and beaten. The big idea: God is with us wherever we go, so we can walk on afraid but not alone.

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not affrighted, neither be thou dismayed: for Jehovah thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” — Joshua 1:9 (ASV)

Memory verse

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

Talk together

  1. What was the one prayer Mary could pray at the edge of the forest?

    Just one word, “Father!” She was too afraid to say anything else, and it was enough.

  2. Why did Mary go to Okoyong at all?

    People there were being killed at chiefs' funerals and by the poison ordeal, and no missionary lived there. She went to protect the people most at risk and to bring the gospel.

  3. Why was her first victory only partial?

    The accused man's life was spared, but he was still chained, starved, flogged and cut.

Activity

One-Word Prayers

You will need: Nothing

  1. Ask the group when they feel too anxious or tired to pray in full sentences.
  2. Read Romans 8:15 aloud, where the Spirit teaches us to cry “Abba! Father!”, and connect it to Mary’s one-word prayer.
  3. As a group, list other short prayers for moments of pressure, such as “Help,” “Thank you” or “Lord, have mercy.”
  4. Discuss why the chapter calls most of Mary’s victories in Okoyong “real, and only partial.”
  5. Challenge everyone to pray “Father” the next time they are anxious this week, and then take the next step.

Read chapter 6

Week 7 — A Secret Ally

Living in one crowded room of Chief Edem’s compound, Mary prays aloud while hacking at the undergrowth with a machete so no one can hear. The chief’s sister, Ma Eme, becomes her secret ally, risking her life to warn Mary of planned killings, and their friendship lasts twenty-five years, though Ma Eme never becomes a Christian. The big idea: we can hold firmly to Christ and still honour the real kindness of friends who don’t share our faith.

“A friend loveth at all times; And a brother is born for adversity.” — Proverbs 17:17 (ASV)

Memory verse

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

Talk together

  1. How did Ma Eme help Mary save lives?

    She secretly warned Mary about accusations, ordeals and planned killings, at the risk of her own life, sometimes by sending a signal bottle asking for medicine.

  2. Why did Mary keep silent when she knew a woman had been killed?

    If she had shown she knew, the chief would have hunted for her informant and many people might have been put to the poison ordeal.

  3. How did Mary speak about Ma Eme after her death?

    She called her “almost sister,” said it was sad she did not come to Christ, and trusted that God could not forget all she had done.

Activity

Who Was a Neighbour?

You will need: A Bible

  1. Read the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:30–37 aloud.
  2. Discuss how Ma Eme is like the Samaritan in Jesus’ story.
  3. Talk about the hard choice Mary made to stay silent about a killing in order to protect Ma Eme, and whether the group thinks she was right.
  4. Have each person think of someone outside their faith who has been kind to them, and one specific thing to thank them for this week.

Read chapter 7

Week 8 — “Ifehe!”

When Chief Edem’s son Etim dies after an accident, the witch-doctor blames a nearby village and more than a dozen people are brought back in chains to face the poison ordeal. Mary sits at the gate and will not move, whispers “Ifehe!” (“Run”) to a woman about to drink and runs with her, and little by little the prisoners are released, so Etim is buried without human sacrifice. Edem later tells her many are weary of the old customs but no one can break them alone. The big idea: God calls us to rescue the weak, and one person who refuses to move can free others to stop too.

“Rescue the poor and needy: Deliver them out of the hand of the wicked.” — Psalm 82:4 (ASV)

Memory verse

Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

Psalm 82:4

Talk together

  1. What does “Ifehe!” mean, and when did Mary say it?

    It means “Run.” She whispered it to a woman who was about to drink the poison, and the two of them ran into the bush.

  2. What did Chief Edem tell Mary afterwards?

    That they were all weary of the old customs, but no single person or House could break them because they were part of the Egbo system.

  3. Why was the victory not complete?

    Fighting and burning followed, and a young man of twenty was put to death for his brother's crime after Mary refused to judge the case.

Activity

Hold the Gate

You will need: Nothing

  1. Read Edem’s words: “We are all weary of the old customs, but no single person or House among us has power to break them off.”
  2. As a group, name situations where people go along with something wrong because everyone else does, such as a group-chat pile-on, teasing or leaving someone out.
  3. In small groups, role-play one of these, with one person practising a calm, simple way to say no or to stand with the person being targeted.
  4. Discuss how Mary gave the people of Okoyong someone to blame (“Ma won’t let us”), and how we can make it easier for others to stop.

Read chapter 8

Week 9 — “Oh, Susie, Susie!”

Mary’s house becomes a refuge for abandoned babies; many die and are buried near her home, but some live, like a girl left five days in the bush. She carries the twins of Iye, a slave woman driven from her village, and raises the surviving girl, Susie, who dies at fourteen months after a terrible accident; Mary buys Iye’s freedom, and years later Iye is baptised. The big idea: even when people abandon us, the Lord takes us in, often through someone willing to carry the box.

“When my father and my mother forsake me, Then Jehovah will take me up.” — Psalm 27:10 (ASV)

Memory verse

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in.

Psalm 27:10

Talk together

  1. What happened to Iye when her twins were born?

    She was cursed, her things were smashed, and she was driven out of the village with the babies in a gin-case on her head.

  2. Did Mary end the killing of twins in Nigeria?

    No. It had been banned in Calabar before she came and continued in some places after she died. She protected twins and their mothers where the law did not reach, and said in 1898 she had saved fifty-one.

  3. Why did Mary buy Iye's freedom when she normally refused to buy slaves?

    Iye was heartbroken after Susie's death and believed God hated her. Mary made a single exception out of love.

Activity

Carry the Box

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. Discuss why nobody else would touch the gin-case, and what it cost Mary to carry it.
  2. Reread the chapter’s correction of the myth that Mary ended the killing of twins, and ask why it matters to tell the story accurately.
  3. As a group, list the kinds of people who get avoided in a typical school or neighbourhood, without naming anyone.
  4. Have each person decide privately on one practical way to stand with someone others avoid this week.

Read chapter 9

Week 10 — Laid on His Altar

Mary becomes engaged to Charles Morrison, but she will not leave Okoyong, the mission Board will not send him there, and they never marry. Then four of her children die, smallpox sweeps the region, and she nurses Chief Edem until he dies and buries him with her own hands; for a while she has “no heart for anything,” and after seven years she has no baptisms to report. The big idea: offering ourselves to God as a living sacrifice is costly, and we can be honest about the cost.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service.” — Romans 12:1 (ASV)

Memory verse

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

Romans 12:1

Talk together

  1. Why didn't Mary marry Charles Morrison?

    She would only marry if he came to Okoyong, the Church would not move him there, she would not leave her people, and his health failed.

  2. What happened at Ekenge during the smallpox epidemic?

    Mary turned her old house into a hospital, and when Chief Edem died she made his coffin, dug the grave and buried him herself.

  3. What did she say about results when there were no baptisms?

    “Christ sent me to preach the Gospel, and He will look after results.”

Activity

Results Belong to God

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. Read Mary’s words: “Christ sent me to preach the Gospel, and He will look after results.”
  2. Discuss what it would be like to work hard for seven years with no visible results.
  3. Talk about the saying that Mary was “married to Africa,” and why the chapter tells the plainer truth instead.
  4. Have each person write privately one thing they are holding back from God, and pray, “I lay it in your hands.”
  5. Remind the group that feeling “no heart for anything” for weeks is not a spiritual failure, and to tell a trusted person if that is them.

Read chapter 10

Week 11 — The Woman's God

Mary walks through drenching rain to treat a dying chief, and later, when told a woman going into a war only proves her ignorance, replies that he has forgotten “the woman’s God”; the chief she healed kneels to ask her to make peace. She runs a native court and later sits as a magistrate to protect women, but her justice is sometimes rough, and she lives with the tension that British guns stand behind her. The big idea: God requires justice, kindness and humility, and even power used for good needs humility.

“He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth Jehovah require of thee, but to do justly, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with thy God?” — Micah 6:8 (ASV)

Memory verse

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

Talk together

  1. What did Mary mean by “the woman's God”?

    The chief judged her by her own weakness as a woman. She was saying that her power came from God, not from herself.

  2. Why should we be careful about admiring her court?

    She sometimes punished people for things they had not been charged with, struck people, and allowed no appeal. Her justice depended on her always being right.

  3. What did she say about who owned the country?

    “After all we are foreigners, and they own the country.” She tried to make the law fit the people.

Activity

Three Questions

You will need: Nothing

  1. Retell the case of the man who won his debt but was caned anyway, and ask: was it fair, was it kind, was it humble?
  2. Present a few everyday situations involving power: a team captain picking players, an older sibling left in charge, a group-chat admin.
  3. In small groups, apply Micah’s three questions to each situation and decide what a fair, kind and humble response would be.
  4. Ask each person to think of one place where they hold some power, and how they will use it this week.

Read chapter 11

Week 12 — “I Dare Not Go Back”

In 1903 the first communion is held at Akpap, and a new believer, Akom, says God’s revenge is sweeter than the consul’s. At Itu three young Africans, above all Mana, a former slave girl, start a church that soon numbers more than three hundred, and the chief Onoyom comes to faith through a homeless former teacher; Mary refuses to go back and the Church frees her to pioneer. The big idea: once we put our hand to the plough we keep going forward, and God often spreads the gospel through people nobody would put on a poster.

“But Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” — Luke 9:62 (ASV)

Memory verse

Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:62

Talk together

  1. Who started the church at Itu?

    Mana, a former slave girl, with two boys, Esien and Effiom. Mana taught and nursed the women “as a mother might.”

  2. How did Onoyom first hear about Mary?

    A homeless former mission teacher who had fallen into drink told him, “go to the white Ma at Itu, and she will tell you.”

  3. Why did Mary say “I dare not go back”?

    She felt God pushing her forward into new places on the Creek, and could not abandon them to return to Okoyong, even if it cost her connection with her Church.

Activity

Unlikely Messengers

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. As a group, list the people in this chapter through whom the gospel travelled: Mana, Esien, Effiom, a homeless former teacher and Onoyom.
  2. Discuss why the chapter says the church at Itu owed its first life to a former slave girl rather than a Scottish missionary.
  3. Talk honestly about the evidence that Mary’s work sometimes served the empire’s purposes, and what we can learn from that.
  4. Have each person write down one new or uncomfortable step they have been putting off, and commit to take it this week.

Read chapter 12

Week 13 — Safe

Past sixty and in constant pain, Mary keeps working at Ikpe, finding that strength comes once she begins, and she is honest that her faith is weak. She dies at Use on 13 January 1915, mourned as “Everybody’s Mother,” while the girls she raised fear they will now be counted as slaves; at her grave Mammy Fuller says one word: “Safe.” The big idea: God’s grace is sufficient, and his power is made perfect in our weakness.

“And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ASV)

Memory verse

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Talk together

  1. How did Mary describe the strength she was given in old age?

    She began every day in pain and tiredness, sure she couldn't go on, “and whenever I begin, the strength comes, and it increases.”

  2. Why did the girls cry “We shall be counted as slaves”?

    Without Mary, they had no family to protect them in a society where a child without family had no standing.

  3. What did Mammy Fuller say at the grave?

    She told the mourners not to cry, said “Ma was a great blessing,” and as the coffin went down said one word: “Safe.”

Activity

Begin Anyway

You will need: Paper and pens

  1. Read Mary’s words about beginning every day in pain and tiredness, and finding that the strength comes once she begins.
  2. Discuss her prayer, “Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief,” and why honest weakness can be part of faith.
  3. Look back over the thirteen weeks and invite each person to share one thing about Mary they want to remember.
  4. Have each person write down a task they feel too tired or weak to begin, and commit to start it for ten minutes this week.

Read chapter 13