Loving and Respecting Your Husband

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:33 (KJV) Marriage was God's idea. Before there was sin, before there was any sorrow in the world, God said it was not good for the man to be alone, and He made a woman to be his helper and companion.

The very first wedding was performed by God Himself in the Garden of Eden. This tells us something very important. Marriage is not a human invention. It is a sacred covenant designed by God, and it reflects something of His own nature — the love between Christ and His Church.

In our time, marriage is under great attack. Some say it is old-fashioned. Some say it is a prison for women. Some say it should be ended as soon as it becomes hard. Others treat it as a contract that can be broken when either party is unsatisfied. But my sister, the Bible gives us a very different picture. Marriage is meant to last a lifetime. It is meant to be a place of love, respect, companionship, faithfulness, and fruitfulness. And within marriage, God has given the Christian wife a beautiful and powerful calling.

The apostle Paul writes in Ephesians chapter five that wives should submit to their own husbands as to the Lord, and that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. These two commands go together. A husband is not a king who rules harshly. He is called to sacrificial love. A wife is not a slave. She is called to willing and loving support of her husband's leadership. When both the husband and the wife obey the Lord in their different callings, a marriage becomes a picture of the gospel itself.

Peter writes something beautiful in First Peter chapter three. He speaks to wives, and he uses Sarah as an example. Sarah called Abraham lord, and she obeyed him. Peter tells Christian wives that their beauty should not come mainly from braided hair, or gold jewelry, or fine clothing, but from the hidden person of the heart — a meek and quiet spirit — which is in the sight of God of great price. This does not mean a Christian wife must never speak or have thoughts of her own.

Sarah spoke her mind to Abraham. Abigail spoke her mind to David. The Proverbs 31 wife opens her mouth with wisdom. What Peter means is that the Christian wife is not loud, not contentious, not sharp-tongued, not always fighting for her own way. She carries herself with dignity. Her spirit is calm. And even unbelieving husbands can be won by the conduct of their wives without a word.

Consider Priscilla in the book of Acts. She was married to Aquila, and they worked together as tentmakers. They traveled with Paul. They opened their home to the church. When they heard the eloquent preacher Apollos, who did not yet fully understand the gospel, they took him aside together and explained the way of God more accurately. Priscilla is almost always mentioned alongside her husband — sometimes her name is even listed first — and they served the Lord together as a team. This is a beautiful picture of Christian marriage. Husband and wife, working shoulder to shoulder for the Kingdom.

Or consider Ruth. When Boaz saw her, he did not fall in love first because of her beauty. He fell in love because of her character. Her kindness to Naomi, her hard work in the fields, her willingness to follow the God of Israel — these things made her stand out. Boaz said to her that all the city knew she was a virtuous woman. Long before she was married, Ruth was already living like a godly wife.

Let me speak practically, because theory without practice does not help anyone. How can you love and respect your husband this week?

Speak well of him. Do not join the women at the market or the well who run down their husbands.

When he is away, let your words about him build him up. Children especially are listening. Never tear down their father in front of them. If he has faults — and all husbands have faults, just as all wives do — take those faults to God in prayer, not to the gossips of the village.

Listen to him. When he comes home tired from work, do not immediately load him with every problem the children made that day. Let him sit. Bring him a cup of tea. Ask him about his day.

Many husbands are starving for a wife who will actually listen to them.

Care for yourself and your home. Keep yourself clean and modest. Keep your home orderly. A husband who enjoys coming home is a husband who stays home. This does not mean you must be perfect — no one is. It means that you do your part to make your home a peaceful, welcoming place.

Be faithful to him in body and in heart. Do not flirt with other men. Do not compare your husband to other men. Do not entertain fantasies from movies or novels. Guard your heart, for out of it are the issues of life.

Pray for him every day. Pray for his work, his health, his spiritual walk, his decisions, his temptations. A husband who is prayed for is a blessed man, even if he does not know why things are going well for him.

Now let me address a hard situation. What if your husband is not yet a Christian? What if he is harsh? What if he drinks? What if he is unfaithful? What if he beats you? Let me be clear about several things. First, in First Peter chapter three, God speaks directly to wives with unbelieving husbands. He says they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. Your prayers, your kindness, your patience, your godly character — these are powerful. Do not stop praying. Do not stop showing Christ. Second, respecting your husband does not mean allowing him to destroy you or your children. If there is physical danger, please seek the help of your pastor, your church, trusted family members, or proper authorities. God does not require you to stay in a situation that endangers your life. Third, do not suffer in silence if you need help. Find an older Christian woman in your church who can walk with you and pray with you. You are not alone.

Let me close with a woman from church history. Katherine von Bora was a nun who left her convent and married the great Reformer Martin Luther. She managed their large household, raised their children, entertained guests, brewed beer to earn income, and supported her husband's massive work of Bible translation and teaching. Luther called her his "morning star" and his "Lord Kate" — a playful nickname that showed his deep respect for her. Their marriage became a model of Christian family life in the Protestant world for centuries to come. You may never translate a Bible, but the way you love and respect your husband may be a testimony that lasts for generations.

A Prayer Dear Lord, I thank You for the gift of marriage, which You designed from the beginning.

If I am married, I pray for my husband today. Bless him, protect him, draw him close to You. Help me to love him with a love that reflects Your love for the Church. Help me to respect him, to build him up, to pray for him faithfully. Give me a meek and quiet spirit that is precious in Your sight. Where our marriage is hard, give us grace to work through it together. Where there is bitterness, bring forgiveness. Where there is distance, bring closeness. Make our home a place where You are honored, and where our children see the beauty of a Christian marriage. In Jesus' name, Amen.