Day 25 — Saying Sorry

“But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, ‘Look, Lord, half of my possessions I give to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone, I will repay it fourfold.’”

— Luke 19:8 (BSB)

“Sorry if you were offended.”

“Sorry, but you started it.”

“OK, sorry. Happy now?”

We’ve all heard these. We’ve all said them. They have the word sorry in them, but they aren’t apologies. They’re ways of ending an uncomfortable moment without actually admitting anything.

Saying a real sorry is one of the hardest things a person can do. It means lowering your guard. It means admitting you were wrong, out loud, to someone who might use it against you. Pride hates it. But it’s one of the most powerful things you’ll ever do for a friendship, a family or your own soul.

Look at Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector in Jericho, working for the Roman occupiers and getting rich by overcharging his own people. Everyone knew it. Then Jesus walked into town, looked up into the tree where Zacchaeus was hiding, and invited Himself to his house. Something broke open in Zacchaeus. He didn’t say, “Mistakes were made.” He stood up and said, in effect: I cheated people. I’ll pay them back, four times over.

That’s what a real apology looks like. Here’s its shape:

Name it. Not “sorry for everything” but “I’m sorry I laughed when they mocked you in the group chat.” The more specific, the more real.

Own it. No “but.” No “if.” No explaining why it was partly their fault. You can talk about their part another day. Today is about yours.

Feel it. Not a performance, but honest regret that you hurt someone. Paul says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Worldly sorrow is sorry you got caught. Godly sorrow is sorry you did it.

Repair it. Zacchaeus paid back. If you broke something, replace it. If you spread a rumour, go back to the people who heard it and correct it. If you took something, return it.

Change it. “He who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy.” An apology followed by the same thing next week isn’t worth much.

Ask. End with a question: “Will you forgive me?” Then let them answer. They may need time. That’s their right.

Jesus put this so high that He said if you’re about to worship and remember someone has something against you, “leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother.” Making it right with people isn’t a side issue to following Him. It’s part of it.

And yes, this includes saying sorry to people younger than you, to your parents, to a teacher, to the kid nobody likes. It may even mean saying sorry when you were only 20 percent in the wrong. Own your 20 percent.

Sometimes they won’t accept it. That hurts. But you’ve done your part: “If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone.” Leave the rest with God.

Think about it: Who do you owe a real apology to? What has stopped you from giving it?

Try this: Today, give one apology with no “but” and no “if.” Name what you did, say you’re sorry, and ask, “Will you forgive me?”

Go deeper: The Key Teachings of Charles G. Finney — Finney insists that remorse and regret are not the same as repentance, and that turning from sin includes making things right: returning what was stolen, repaying what was cheated, and going back to correct a slander. Start with chapter 14, “Confess and Forsake”.

Lord, I’m good at excuses and bad at apologies. Forgive me for the people I’ve hurt and never really said sorry to. Give me the humility to name what I did without blaming anyone else, and the courage to put it right. Thank You that You forgive me completely, so I don’t have to defend myself. In Jesus’ name, Amen.