Day 24 — Forgiving Someone Who Hurt You

“Then the master summoned him and declared, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave all your debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?’”

— Matthew 18:32–33 (BSB)

Someone hurt you. Maybe it was a friend who spread something you told them in confidence. A teacher who humiliated you in front of the class. A relative who broke a promise that mattered. Or something much worse. And now you keep replaying it: what they said, what you should have said, what you’d like to happen to them.

Then a Christian tells you to forgive, and part of you wants to throw the book across the room.

Let’s be honest about how hard this is, and then be clear about what forgiveness is and what it isn’t, because a lot of hurt people have been given a wrong version.

Jesus told a story about a servant who owed his king a debt so large he could never repay it in a hundred lifetimes. The king simply cancelled it. That same servant then went out, found a fellow servant who owed him a small amount, and grabbed him by the throat. When the king heard, he asked the question in today’s verses: “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?”

That’s where forgiveness starts: not with how nice the other person is, but with how much you’ve been forgiven. You forgive from mercy you’ve already received.

So what is forgiveness? It’s cancelling a debt. It’s saying, “What you did was wrong, and it cost me. But I’m not going to make you pay. I’m handing you over to God.” Paul writes, “Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: ‘Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.’” Forgiving isn’t pretending there’s no justice. It’s trusting God with the justice.

Now, what forgiveness is not:

• It’s not saying it didn’t matter. Joseph forgave his brothers, but he still told them: “what you intended against me for evil, God intended for good.” He called it evil.
• It’s not a feeling. You can choose to forgive while your stomach still knots up. Often you’ll have to choose it again, and again: “seventy-seven times.”
• It’s not the same as trusting again. Trust has to be rebuilt, and that takes time and changed behaviour.
• It never means staying somewhere unsafe, and it never means keeping a harmful secret. Jesus forgave His enemies, but when a crowd tried to throw Him off a cliff, He “passed through the crowd and went on His way.” Paul escaped Damascus in a basket. If someone is hurting you, has touched you in a way that’s wrong, or is threatening you, telling a trusted adult is not unforgiving. It’s right. It’s not your fault, and you should tell someone right away. You can forgive a person and still make sure they can’t hurt you or anyone else.

Why bother? Because unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick. Hebrews warns about a “root of bitterness” that springs up and causes trouble. Grudges grow.

And because Jesus did it first. On the cross, with the nails in, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” You don’t have to be able to do that today. But you can start by telling Him the name.

Think about it: Who is the person you find hardest to forgive? Which part of “what forgiveness is not” do you most need to hear?

Try this: Write down the name of someone who hurt you and what they did. Then pray, honestly: “Lord, I choose to hand this debt to You. Help me mean it.” If you’re not ready, pray, “Lord, make me willing.”

Go deeper: Tukutendereza — the story of Festo Kivengere, the Ugandan bishop who fled his country after Idi Amin’s regime murdered his archbishop, and within a year wrote a book called I Love Idi Amin; he never said the crimes were small, only that he would not let hatred finish in him what Amin had started. Start with chapter 9, “Festo Kivengere — The Man Who Named His Enemy”.

Lord Jesus, You know who hurt me and how much it still hurts. Thank You for forgiving me a debt I could never pay. I choose to hand this person and what they did over to You, and I trust You with the justice. When the anger comes back, help me choose again. Keep me safe, and give me courage to speak up when something is wrong. In Jesus’ name, Amen.