Day 16 — Crushes

“There are three things too wonderful for me, four that I cannot understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship at sea, and the way of a man with a maiden.”

— Proverbs 30:18–19 (BSB)

You catch yourself checking whether they’ve seen your story. You know their timetable better than your own. You replay a two-minute conversation all evening, wondering what they meant. Their name pops up on your screen and your heart does something strange.

Welcome to having a crush.

The writer of Proverbs makes a list of things he finds too wonderful to explain. An eagle riding the wind. A snake gliding over a rock. A ship finding its way across open sea. And then, as if it belongs on the same list, “the way of a man with a maiden.” The pull between two people is one of the great mysteries of being human, and the Bible doesn’t blush about it. There’s a whole book of love poetry in the middle of it.

So if you’ve got a crush, you’re not weird, and you’re not doing anything wrong. God made you able to admire and to love, and feeling drawn to someone is part of growing up. Some people your age feel it often, and some hardly at all. Both are normal.

But that same book of love poetry repeats one warning three times: “Do not arouse or awaken love until the time is right.” Feelings are real, but they don’t have to be obeyed, acted on or announced. A seed planted in the wrong season doesn’t grow into something stronger. It just gets damaged.

Here’s some wisdom for handling a crush well.

Remember it’s a feeling, not a fact. You usually have a crush on someone you don’t know very well. Much of what you’re attracted to is a picture you’ve built in your head. That’s fine, but don’t mistake the picture for the person.

Don’t build a whole relationship in your head. Hours on their profile, imagined conversations, plans for a future together. All of that can take over your mind and leave you crushed by something that never really existed.

Don’t put them on the throne. A crush can quietly become the thing you live for. Elisabeth Elliot, who loved a young man for five years without knowing whether they’d ever marry, learned to put the whole thing in God’s hands: the attraction, the hope and the person. She called it love under the lordship of Christ.

Treat them as a person, not a prize. Don’t gossip about them, don’t let friends tease them, and don’t make them feel hunted.

Keep living your life. Your friendships, your studies, your faith and your family still matter. A crush is part of your life, not the whole of it.

Talk to a parent or trusted adult. It may feel awkward, but they had crushes too. And if an adult or someone much older ever shows romantic interest in you, that is not a romance. Tell a trusted adult right away.

The feelings may fade in a month, or they may last. Either way, God is not embarrassed by your heart. He wants to hold it.

Think about it: How much of your thinking time does this person take up? What would it look like to give the feeling to God instead of letting it run you?

Try this: Tell God honestly how you feel about the person, by name. Then pray for them: not that they’d like you back, but that they’d know Him.

Go deeper: The Key Teachings of Elisabeth Elliot — Elliot treats romantic love as a good gift of God and one of the strongest forces in human life, which is exactly why it must be placed under Christ’s control rather than left to rule us. Start with chapter 9, “Passion and Purity”.

Lord, You made my heart, and You know who’s on my mind. Thank You that these feelings aren’t something to be ashamed of. Help me not to rush love or let it rule me. I give You this person, these hopes and this heart. Keep me wise, kind and patient. In Jesus’ name, Amen.