Day 17 — Dating God’s Way

“Love does no wrong to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

— Romans 13:10 (BSB)

Ask ten people from ten different families about dating and you might get ten different answers. In some homes it isn’t allowed at all until you’re much older. In some cultures families help introduce young people when the time comes for marriage. Some parents allow group outings and nothing more. Some allow more than that. Your friends’ rules may not be your rules.

So start here: honour your parents’ rules, even when they’re stricter than everyone else’s. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” If you disagree, talk to them respectfully. But if you find yourself hiding a relationship from them, that is a warning sign in itself. Love that has to be kept secret from the people who love you most usually isn’t going anywhere good.

Whatever your family allows, today’s verse gives the test for any relationship: “Love does no wrong to its neighbor.” The person you like is, before anything else, your neighbour. They’re a person made in God’s image, and if they follow Jesus, a brother or sister in Christ. One day they may be someone’s husband or wife, possibly not yours. Love treats them that way.

Paul describes real love elsewhere: “Love is patient, love is kind... It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.” Notice what that rules out.

Pressure. No one has the right to pressure you: into a relationship, into keeping secrets, into anything physical, into anything you don’t want. “If you really loved me, you would...” is never love speaking. Love is patient. Pressure is the opposite of patience.

Pictures. Never send pictures of yourself that you wouldn’t want the whole school to see, to anyone, however much you trust them. Once a picture is sent, it’s out of your control and can be shared in seconds. And never ask anyone for one.

Control. Checking someone’s phone, getting angry when they spend time with friends, punishing them when they say no, calling jealousy “proof of love”: these are warning signs, not romance.

And hear this clearly: if anyone pressures you, threatens you, asks you for pictures, or touches you in a way that’s wrong, it is not your fault. Tell a parent or trusted adult right away, even if you’ve been told to keep it secret.

C. S. Lewis noticed that romantic love, more than any other love, can start to act like a god. It tells you that because the feeling is so strong, it justifies anything. But feelings, however strong, can’t make a wrong thing right. Real love asks, What is good for this person? not What can I get?

That works in both directions. Check yourself, too. Are you ever the one pushing, sulking or guilt-tripping to get your way?

And if you’re not dating anyone, you’re not behind. Being single at fifteen is not a problem to be solved. It’s a season to grow, to build good friendships and to learn what love looks like by watching people who do it well.

Think about it: What are your family’s rules about dating, and why do you think they have them? How could you tell if a relationship was doing wrong to someone?

Try this: If dating is something you’re thinking about, ask a parent or trusted adult to talk it through with you this week: what they expect, and what they’ve learned.

Go deeper: The Key Teachings of C. S. Lewis — Lewis calls being in love one of God’s good gifts but warns that it, more than any other love, can present itself as a god, making people feel the love itself justifies any betrayal or cruelty. Start with chapter 13, “The Four Loves”.

Father, thank You for the gift of love. Teach me what real love looks like: patient, kind and never selfish. Help me honour my parents, respect other people and never pressure anyone. Give me courage to say no and to speak up if anyone pressures me. Keep my heart in Your hands. In Jesus’ name, Amen.