The Wounded Soul

The Bible clearly presents to us the devices of Satan as seen in: ● The roaring lion affecting our emotions.

● The arrows of lies affecting our thoughts.

● The ‘monkeys’ of offense affecting our peace.

However, his most effective device is not so clearly understood. He has targeted you from before your birth. He is not omniscient, so he doesn’t know if you will become a believer and an opponent in the battle, so he has tried to wound you before you were aware of any battle. This is evident in the large number of ‘dysfunctional’ people in our churches, but it is my belief that there are many more who struggle, but are unaware of their wound.

A New Creation When I became a believer I was taught that “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). This verse was used to challenge me concerning the little things of the old nature that still were present in my life. Naturally, I was made to feel guilty. I eased my guilt by reasoning that my old habits weren’t as bad as some of those I saw in others. We were very quick to condemn those who were not so able as we were to overcome their old habits, particularly those obvious “sins” such as smoking and drinking, not to mention dancing and keeping company with those who do such things! I’m glad I have come to understand this verse better, and to understand something more of the grace of God.

Thank God that in Christ we are fully accepted and reconciled to the Father - that we are justified, forgiven, and made new creatures. However, my teeth did not shed their fillings and return to the undecayed brightness of my youth when I was converted. Indeed, my body has not been made a new creation, rather, it continues to die day by day.

The ‘new creation’ refers to that part of me which once was dead - my spirit. I am aware that there is much confusion about the difference between the soul and the spirit but, for the purpose of this book, I shall call the spirit that part of me which, now being alive to God, differentiates me from an unconverted person, whose spirit is dead however noble or religious they may be. They, like me, have a body with varying degrees of health, but which will surely die one day, unless the Lord comes before.

We also have souls - our minds, our wills, and our emotions.

Even the non-Christian man has a living soul. At conversion, these are not made a new creation; they carry many wounds from the past and provide a fertile battlefield for Satan. He knows the wounds - after all, his hosts were very active in causing them! For too long we have made many new (and some older) believers feel incompetent in the battle by charging them to be more mature than their wounded souls have allowed them to be. We have urged them to run when their soul is crippled - to fight when their muscles have atrophied! Instead, we should have been ministering to their hurts and wounds, bringing healing through Biblical teaching since the Lord has committed unto us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

Bruises of the Soul Many people have been subject for most of their lives to continuous criticism and verbal abuse perhaps from a parent or siblings. Their retiring personality invites others to continue this abuse at school or at work, then they enter adulthood with great ‘bruises’ on their soul. They are often accused of being too sensitive, and indeed they are, as a result of the abuse. They function well enough until criticized again when they find themselves unable to handle the pain. New bruises are formed and each new criticism, real or imagined, is like a punch on the bruise.

Peter had been raised in a somber, though Christian home. He was an only child and had few friends. He was not allowed to bring friends home from school because they were ‘worldly’ and there were no other youth his age that attended the small church his family went to. He could never quite meet his father’s expectations or demands and was unable to hold a job for very long. He was never made to feel good enough to be accepted. In his mid-thirties he left home and went to work for a Christian mission where he was befriended by three other men. He began to enjoy his work and friends and became a well-accepted part of that ministry until, just over a year of working there, each of his three friends announced that they would soon be leaving to work elsewhere.

Instead of the usual sorrow one would expect, Peter began to act in a strange way. He deliberately set out to make himself disliked by his departing friends. For example, he would borrow something from one of them, and deliberately break it, claiming that it was an accident. Each of the friends left the mission offended by Peter.

Just why did he act like this? He told me that it had started just after he had returned from holidays - at home. That had not been a good time and he had been glad to return to the mission. When I suggested that his experience of more criticism at home had produced renewed bruising on his soul, and that the departure of his friends had been like punches on the bruising, Peter broke down and cried. “That’s exactly how I feel,” he declared, “their leaving just added to my feelings of being unworthy of love and acceptance.” Today, Peter is walking in a new freedom, knowing his worthiness in Christ.

Stab Wounds For others, the wound may have been created by a single act - a wound similar to being stabbed. A classic example, of course, is the child who is sexually abused by a trusted, loved one. In this example, the child does not understand that they are the victim and not the guilty one. They are afraid to speak about the incident, choosing rather, to bury it in their memory.

Sometime afterwards, the wound is covered over and not easily brought to the surface to be faced, even in adulthood.

The ‘bandage’ with which the wound was covered has become a bondage affecting other areas of the adult’s personality. Such a soul needs healing!

When I asked Alec why he couldn’t read or write, he told me a sad story. For four years his mother had doted on him, her only child, after his father had walked out on them. Then another father came on the scene - one who did not like or want Alec around him. He soon knew the deep pain of rejection.

At the age of five, Alec started primary school where he would sit in the back of the room, daydreaming. He remembers well the occasion when an unthinking teacher shouted at him. “Alec, you’re nothing but a dumbo!” The hurting, little soul said to himself, “If that’s what you think I am, that’s what I’ll be!” He resolved, as a young child, never to study to please that teacher… and therefore grew into a teenage illiterate!

Was Alec bright enough to have learned? Just one month after we talked, Alec was reading all the sports news in the daily newspaper! He had an interest in a young lady and was motivated to walk out healing. I used his knowledge of sports personalities and their photographs in the newspapers, to encourage him in reading the words explaining the pictures.

Soon, he needed no pictures and I watched his self-esteem grow as he began to read with understanding. So many teachers, parents, and others will never know the negative significance of the stabbing wounds their unthinking words have had on so many young souls. Many adults today are still carrying the scabs and scars from those wounds on their souls!

Grazes Then there’s the grazing kinds of wounds. They usually leave no scar or permanent bondage, but can bleed profusely at the time of injury. If not treated correctly, however, they can fester and then produce far worse injury. I see such wounds of the soul occurring when one experiences discouragement or a great disappointment. It is accompanied by feelings of inadequacy and loneliness, and spiritual defenses are down.

This is the time when we need to come around in tender support for the hurting one. It is the time for empathy and understanding.

Mary had become ill with “Epstein Barr” or “Yuppie Flu” which was widely known as the disease of the nineties. It was hard not knowing how long she was likely to be ill, for the doctors had no ready cure. The members of her church were praying for her, but she wished someone would come to visit her. No one came, giving their reason that they were unsure if such a disease was contagious. That was hard to accept, but Mary did so with grace. Then one day, she received a telephone call which caused much ‘bleeding’ of her soul. Her closest friend called to tell her that the church had stopped praying for Mary since it was obvious she was not exercising faith. Her reasoning being, that if she had been so doing, she would have been well by then.

Fractures Let us continue with our metaphors. Are there such wounds as fractures in the soul? Yes, and there are many believers who are limping through life because of some traumatic experience. It may be the death of a loved one, a broken engagement, or some accident of life. They were crippled by the experience and have never learned to walk again.

Melinda had an argument with her mother during which she had pushed her away with some force. Some months later, mother was diagnosed as having developed breast cancer, and within a year, had died. No amount of argument could convince Melinda that her push had not created the cancer in her mother. She would not forgive herself and could not accept the Lord’s forgiveness. She was a broken woman when I met her, and to this day, remains crippled.

“He Restores My Soul” I am convinced that many believers today have wounded souls. I am also convinced that the Lord wants to heal those wounds - to restore the soul. The psalmist David was guilty of adultery and murder; he carried terrible soul wounds, but he could still say, “The Lord is my shepherd… He restores my soul” (Psalm 23:3).

There are also wounds created by our own doings. It seems to me that when we deliberately act contrary to the explicit Word of God, we create our own wounds. Sex outside of marriage and divorce will always create wounded souls that need healing through the grace of God. Be very sure that it is His desire to bring such healing. Indeed, I see this as the true work of sanctification - the second part of salvation.

Justification is when one has been set free from the penalty of sin: salvation for one’s spirit. The Holy Spirit has already completed this work.

Sanctification is when one has been set free from the power of sin: salvation for one’s soul. This is the present work of the Holy Spirit.

Glorification is when one has been set free from the presence of sin: salvation for the body. This is the work that the Holy Spirit has yet to do.

For these reasons we call Him Savior!

The Angler We have likened Satan to a roaring lion and an archer; however, it seems to me that his most effective warring device is like an angler’s hook and rod -he knows exactly where our soul wounds are. After all, he was instrumental in creating them. When we get ready to enter the battle in the heavenlies, he then casts his line, hooks it into the wound, and manipulates the soul into ineffectiveness.

A Personal Story Early in 1990 I became closely involved in a new work of God among the native peoples of western Canada. The spiritual battle was intense. I also stopped sleeping at the same time. My doctor tried many different medications to get me to sleep, but it was several weeks before a way was found for me not to lie awake all night. Many thought I was under an Indian curse and I would receive letters and telephone calls of encouragement from throughout the north-west of America and Canada. I asked Charles and Claudia, another pastor and his wife, to pray for me, at which time she told me that she was aware of a “terrible spirit of abandonment” upon me. I had no understanding of what she meant.

Shortly afterwards, I was invited to spend a week at an Anglican Retreat for clergymen and wives. There I was told that there was an area of my emotions missing and it had much to do with my mother’s death. My mother had died when I was a teenager, and though I had not cried at the time in a normal mourning, I thought I had dealt with her death very well. Now I was being told that this had something to do with my sleeplessness? I still did not understand.

After four months I offered to resign my position at the church, but the elders and members would not let me. Instead, much love was shown to me by them and the greater church body of our city.

After eight months, I entered Vancouver University Hospital as a patient in the sleep clinic where it was diagnosed that there had been a physical breakdown in my body’s production of the sleep-inducing neurochemicals. The specialist put this down to stress. The next week, I was able to resign from the church, which had now decreased to sixty percent the attendance rate it had been at the beginning of the year.

The following Tuesday I was with a group of my closest friends, other pastors who met together weekly for prayer. As we finished our breakfast, one of them said to me, “Gareth, I sense an awful spirit of abandonment upon you!” These were the same words I had heard almost nine months earlier. When I got back home, I called Claudia to ask her to explain to me just what she had meant by her comment. She told me to sit down that evening and to go back over my life, looking for the times when the little boy in me might have felt abandoned.

My wife Anne and I were amazed as we considered the different periods of my life - there were so many times when I had felt the pain of abandonment, not least of which was my mother’s death when I was just fourteen. I had not cried then, but for some time afterwards, I had grieved. Later that same evening I relaxed to read a novel about the Crusades of the thirteenth century.

Two knights were leading their men into battle on the fields of France. Suddenly, they were face to face; however, Sir Rufus had been wounded and was slumped over in his saddle, his sword hanging by his side. His enemy, Sir Nigel, quickly rode toward him, raising his mighty sword to slay his opponent. Just as he would strike the fatal blow, nine arrows from Sir Rufus’ bowmen flew through the air to find their target in Sir Nigel’s armpit. They were ineffective against his armor, but very effective at his weak spot, where no armor could be worn. I sensed that the Spirit of the Lord was speaking to me.

“Gareth, you might be putting on the armor of God, but when you go into battle against the enemy, be aware that he knows exactly where your weakest spots are - and yours is that of abandonment. They must be healed if you would be effective in the battle!”

I now began to understand why people had been drifting away from our church over the past two years. Three elders had left because of job relocation and had been replaced by three other good men; however, the new elders’ board did not have the gifts necessary to maintain the programs initiated by the former men and soon there began a slow exodus from the church. I would meet people on the street who would rush up to me to tell me that they loved me, but had started to go to another church “because our children enjoy their youth work so much.” There were many reasons, but few had displayed the grace to come and tell me of their intentions. I would have gladly given them letters of introduction if I had known they wanted to transfer.

Then, as I grew more weary, I was not feeding and leading my flock as they were used to, so more began to leave. Instead of the fulfillment I was used to, I had the pain, almost every week, of seeing another vacant pew. Since I was very committed to my people, each departure was like a mini divorce. I’m sure that none of those people would have deliberately hurt me, but their actions were used by the enemy as hooks in my wounds of abandonment. No wonder the doctor called it stress, even though I would boast that I never took my church problems home with me!

A personal note for readers potentially planning on leaving your local church: do it the right and ethical way. Let your pastor know of your intentions, because you’d be surprised if you knew exactly how easily we wound one another.