Accountability

No Man Stands Alone "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

— Proverbs 27:17 One of the great lies a man can believe is that he does not need other men. He thinks he is strong enough, wise enough, holy enough to walk the Christian life alone. He will come to church on Sunday, but he will not open his life to anyone in particular during the week. He has no one who knows his struggles. He has no one who can correct him. He has no one who can pray specifically over his secret battles. He is an island, and he is sinking.

Brother, the devil loves a lone man. He picks off the stragglers. He destroys the isolated. He whispers to the private man that no one understands him, no one would forgive him, no one can help him. And slowly, steadily, the lone man is eaten by sins he never meant to let grow.

The Bible is clear that God has made us for community, and especially that men need other men.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17). Iron does not sharpen itself. A knife left alone grows dull. A man left alone grows dull — in his love for Christ, in his holiness, in his zeal, in his courage. He needs the scraping, the grinding, the honest friction of another iron man.

David had Jonathan. "In everything Jonathan did, he had great success, because the Lord was with him" (1 Samuel 18:14), and the bond of their souls was such that "Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself" (1 Samuel 18:1).

When David was hunted by Saul in the wilderness, Jonathan came to him and "helped him find strength in God" (1 Samuel 23:16). Every man needs a Jonathan — a brother who helps him find strength in God when life has crushed him.

Paul had Timothy and Titus and Silas and Barnabas and Luke. He was an apostle, a man of tremendous spiritual power, and yet he did not travel alone. He wrote his deepest affections to these men. Read 2 Timothy — it is a dying man's letter to his son in the faith, full of love and honesty. Paul, in his last days, said, "Only Luke is with me" (2 Timothy 4:11), and he asked Timothy to come quickly. Even the great apostle needed companions.

Jesus Himself, though He was the Son of God, gathered the Twelve and was especially close to Peter, James, and John. He did not lead alone. He did not die alone. He lived His earthly ministry surrounded by brothers.

If Jesus, David, and Paul all needed brothers, who are you to think you can live alone?

The most essential element of accountability is honesty. Until a man is willing to be honest with at least one other brother, he cannot grow. James writes, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5:16). There is healing in confession. Not to a priest in a dark box, but to a brother in the light of day. When you say out loud to another Christian man, "I have been struggling with lust," or "I have been drinking in secret," or "I have been cheating on my taxes," or "I have been harsh with my wife and I do not know how to stop," something powerful happens. The sin's hiding place is exposed. The darkness flees. The healing begins.

Here in our region, the East African Revival was marked precisely by this kind of honesty. When the Spirit fell on Rwanda and Uganda in the 1930s, men began to confess their sins publicly. Some had stolen from their employers; they went to pay back what they had taken. Some had slept with women not their wives; they went to ask forgiveness. Some had grudges with fellow believers; they went to reconcile. They called it "walking in the light," based on 1 John 1:7: "If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." And revival spread like fire. This kind of honesty is the fuel of revival, and without it, our churches will stay weak no matter how many programs we run.

So, brother, find at least two or three men in your local church and bind yourself to them. Do not pick only your closest personal friends — pick men you respect spiritually, men who will tell you the truth even when it hurts. Meet with them regularly. Some meet weekly, some monthly, some every other week. Whatever schedule fits, commit to it and keep it. Do not cancel the meeting because you are "too busy." You are never too busy to save your soul.

When you meet, go beyond small talk. Ask each other hard questions. The Methodist bands, started by John Wesley in the 1700s, used a set of probing questions that still convict today. They asked each other things like: "What known sins have you committed since our last meeting? What temptations have you met with? How were you delivered? What have you thought, said, or done, of which you doubt whether it be sin or not?" Wesley's movement transformed England partly because men were not allowed to hide.

And brothers, some of you need to ask forgiveness from other men. You have offended a brother in the church and have been avoiding him for years. This is not Christianity. Jesus said, "If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23–24). If something stands between you and another believer, it also stands between you and God. Go to him. Humble yourself. Make it right. The relief on the other side is worth it.

Accountability is also about receiving correction. Proverbs says, "Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray" (Proverbs 10:17). "Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you" (Proverbs 9:8). Can a brother correct you? If you become angry and defensive every time someone points out a fault, you are a fool, not a leader. The wise man welcomes correction, even when it stings. He says, "Thank you for loving me enough to tell me. Let me pray about this. Let me repent of this."

Husbands, listen here too. Your wife is often your best accountability partner. She sees what no one else sees. She can tell when your prayer life is weak. She can tell when your heart is hard.

Receive her observations with grace. Do not be the husband who demands submission but refuses correction. A humble husband invites his wife's insight into his soul.

Finally, submit yourself to the authority of your local church. Not just attendance, but membership.

Place yourself under the shepherding of biblical elders. Be willing to be disciplined if you fall into serious sin. The book of Hebrews says, "Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account" (Hebrews 13:17).

A man who will not submit to any spiritual authority on earth is a law unto himself — and such a man is dangerous to his family and to the church.

No man stands alone. Not David. Not Paul. Not Jesus. Not Kivengere. Not Luwum. Not you. Find your brothers. Let them see you. Let them sharpen you. And together you will stand when alone you would fall.

A Prayer Father, I confess that I have tried to walk this road alone. I have kept my sins hidden in the dark where they have grown in power. I have avoided honest friendships because I feared exposure. I have rejected correction because I loved my pride.

Forgive me, Lord. Give me at least one brother, and if possible many, with whom I can walk in the light. Make me honest. Make me teachable. Make me quick to confess and quick to forgive. Use iron in my life, even when it grinds, to make me sharp for Your service. And knit me deeply into the body of Christ, so that I may stand and not fall. In the name of Jesus, amen.