What If I Hurt Myself?

The short answer: If you hurt yourself, you’re not a bad person, a failed Christian or a lost cause, and God has not stopped loving you for one second. You’re carrying pain that’s too heavy to carry alone, so please tell a trusted adult today. Help is real, and things can get better.

If you’ve opened this chapter because it’s about you, thank you for reading. That took courage. Maybe nobody knows. Maybe you hide it with long sleeves or excuses. Maybe you’ve tried to stop and couldn’t, and now you feel ashamed on top of everything else. Whatever is going on, let’s start here: you are not in trouble with God.

Why people hurt themselves

People hurt themselves for lots of reasons. Sometimes the feelings inside, sadness, anger, numbness, panic or shame, get so big that physical pain seems easier to deal with. Sometimes it feels like the only thing you can control. Sometimes it feels like a way of punishing yourself for being “bad.” It often brings a moment of relief, and then the hurting starts again.

None of that makes you crazy or wicked. It means you’re in pain and you’ve been trying to cope on your own. But self-harm can’t heal what’s underneath, and it can become dangerous. You deserve real help, not just a way to get through tonight.

What God thinks of you right now

You may be worried God is angry or disgusted. Listen to how He describes Himself: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). He doesn’t stand back from wounds. He binds them up.

Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). And the prophet Isaiah wrote of Him, “A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish” (Isaiah 42:3). A bruised reed is something nearly snapped. A smouldering wick is a flame that’s almost gone out. That’s exactly the kind of person Jesus is gentle with.

And nothing you do to yourself can change God’s love for you. Paul was sure that “neither death nor life... nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39). Not this. Not anything.

You don’t have to punish yourself

If part of you hurts yourself because you feel you deserve it, look at the cross. Isaiah says of Jesus: “He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). Whatever you think you deserve, Jesus has already carried it. You don’t need to pay for anything with your own body. The punishment has already been taken, and what’s left for you is peace.

What to do next

If you ever think about hurting yourself or not wanting to be alive, tell a parent or trusted adult right away. And if you are hurting yourself now, tell someone today. Here’s how to start:

• Choose one person. A parent, a school counsellor, a teacher, a youth leader, a relative. If the first person doesn’t respond well, tell someone else. Keep telling until someone helps.
• Find the words. You can say it simply: “I’ve been hurting myself and I need help.” Or write it down and hand it over, or send a message.
• See a doctor. Wounds may need looking after, and a doctor or counsellor can help with the feelings underneath. That’s not weakness. God gives healing through doctors as well as through prayer.
• Plan for hard moments. Work out with an adult what you’ll do when the urge comes: who to call, where to go, what to hold onto.
• Be honest with God. Tell Him exactly how you feel. “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

If you slip after you’ve asked for help, that doesn’t undo anything. Recovery often has setbacks. Tell your adult, and keep going.

If it’s your friend

If a friend tells you they hurt themselves, thank them for trusting you, stay kind, and tell a trusted adult, even if they ask you to keep it secret. That isn’t betraying them. It’s loving them.

Think about it: Who is one adult you could tell, and what is the first sentence you would say?

Go deeper: The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes — in this chapter a seventeenth-century pastor shows, from Jesus’ names, His tears and His words, that Christ is a gentle healer of broken hearts who “never turned any back again that came unto him.” Start with chapter 3, “Christ will not break the Bruised Reed”.