What About Christians Who Hurt People?

The short answer: It happens, and when it does it is evil, and it is never the fault of the person who was hurt. Jesus saved His most frightening warnings for people who harm the vulnerable, and the church is meant to expose abuse, not hide it. If anyone is hurting you, at church or anywhere else, tell a trusted adult outside the situation.

This is a hard chapter, and it might be personal. Maybe you’ve read about a church leader who abused children and was protected for years. Maybe it’s closer than that. Maybe someone at your church, or in your home, uses God’s name to frighten you, control you, or make you keep secrets. If so, please read this chapter slowly. It was written for you.

Abuse is real, and it is never your fault

Abuse can be physical, sexual or emotional. There’s also something called spiritual abuse: when someone uses God, the Bible or their position in church to control people. It can look like a leader who says questioning him is questioning God, who shames people in public, who cuts people off from friends and family, or who tells you that keeping quiet is what God wants.

None of that is from God. And if someone has hurt you, it is not because you did something wrong, weren’t holy enough, or “led them on”. The guilt belongs entirely to the person who did it.

How Jesus feels about it

Some people hurt by Christians decide God must be like the people who hurt them. But look at Jesus. When His disciples tried to push children away, Jesus “was indignant” and told them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them!” (Mark 10:14). And He gave one of the most frightening warnings in the Bible: “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:6).

God spoke through Ezekiel against leaders who used their people: “Woe to the shepherds of Israel, who only feed themselves!” and “you have ruled them with violence and cruelty” (Ezekiel 34:2, 4). Jesus warned about people who “come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves” (Matthew 7:15). Abusers in churches aren’t a surprise to God. He named them long ago, and He is against them.

And to the hurt, He is the opposite. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18). Of Jesus it was said, “A bruised reed He will not break” (Isaiah 42:3). The people who hurt you were not acting like Him.

What churches must do

A church that hears about abuse should believe and protect the person who spoke up, report it to the proper authorities (often the police), and keep the person accused away from anyone they could harm. It should never handle it quietly to protect its reputation. The Bible says, “Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Ephesians 5:11).

Forgiveness is beautiful, but it never means pretending nothing happened, keeping a secret, or staying somewhere unsafe. A person can be forgiven by God and still have to face the law and lose the right to lead.

If it’s happening to you

If anyone is hurting you, or pressuring you sexually, it is not your fault. Tell a trusted adult. If the person hurting you is a church leader or a parent, tell another trusted adult outside the situation: a teacher, a school counsellor, a relative. Obeying God never means keeping abuse secret. If the first person you tell doesn’t listen, tell someone else, and keep telling until someone acts.

If a friend tells you something like this, believe them, thank them for telling you, and help them tell a trusted adult. Don’t promise to keep it secret.

Being hurt by Christians can make church feel unsafe and God feel far away. That’s not a lack of faith; it’s a wound. It’s fine to take time, to ask hard questions, and to find a safe church and people who will help you heal.

And if the pain ever gets so heavy that you think about hurting yourself or not wanting to be alive, tell a parent or trusted adult right away. You are not too much trouble, and you are not alone.

Think about it: Who are two adults outside your home and church you could go to if something felt wrong?

Go deeper: The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes — four hundred years ago this Puritan pastor told church leaders that “the ambassadors of so gentle a Saviour should not be over-masterly”, setting themselves up in people’s hearts where Christ alone should sit, but should stoop to the weakest as Christ did. It is a picture of what a true shepherd looks like. Start with chapter 8, “Tenderness required in ministers toward young beginners”.