Can a Christian Date Someone Who Isn’t?

The short answer: The Bible teaches that Christians should marry other Christians, and since dating is usually the road towards marriage, it’s wise not to date someone who doesn’t share your faith. That isn’t because non-Christians are worse people. It’s because a relationship pulls two lives in one direction, and your faith is meant to be the centre of yours.

Maybe there’s someone you really like. They’re kind, funny, respectful, maybe kinder than some Christians you know. They just don’t believe in Jesus. Does it really matter?

What the verse actually says

The verse people usually quote is “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). A yoke was a wooden frame that joined two oxen to pull a plough together. If the two animals were unequal, or wanted to go different ways, the plough went crooked and both got hurt.

Read in context, Paul isn’t mainly talking about dating. He’s warning the Corinthian Christians not to be bound into partnerships that pull them away from Christ. He’s not telling them to avoid unbelievers either. Elsewhere he says they’d have to leave the world to do that, and Jesus Himself was known as a friend of sinners. You can and should have friends who aren’t Christians.

But the principle applies very directly to the closest partnership there is. When Paul talks about marriage, he’s specific: a widow “is free to marry anyone she wishes, as long as he belongs to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). Marriage is the deepest yoke of all, and Christians are told to share it with a fellow believer.

Why does it matter so much?

“Can two walk together without agreeing where to go?” (Amos 3:3). If Jesus is truly Lord of your life, He shapes everything: how you spend Sunday, what you do with money, how you’d raise children, what you do when life falls apart, what you think life is for. Someone who doesn’t share that can be a lovely person and still be heading somewhere different.

And dating isn’t neutral. Feelings are strong, and the person you’re closest to will shape you. Many Christians have started dating someone hoping to bring them to faith, and found that it worked the other way. “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

“But we’re only fifteen, we’re not getting married!” Fair enough. But that’s a reason to ask what dating is for. If it’s not heading anywhere, why give away so much of your heart? And if it is, then where it’s heading matters now.

Respect your parents

Families and cultures differ a lot here. Some parents don’t allow dating at all until you’re older; some have other rules. Whatever yours are, honour them: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). If you’re hiding a relationship from your parents, that’s a warning sign in itself.

What if it’s already happened?

If you’re already dating someone who isn’t a Christian, don’t panic and don’t be harsh with yourself. Talk honestly with God, and with a parent or Christian adult you trust. Pray for the person, because they matter to God. And remember that being kind to someone and being yoked to them are different things.

The Bible does speak to Christians who are already married to unbelievers: they’re told to stay and love faithfully, and God can work through that. So nobody in that situation is second class. But that’s very different from choosing it at the start.

And whatever happens, the same lines apply to every relationship: no one has the right to pressure you into anything physical, to ask you for pictures, or to make you keep secrets. If that happens, it is not your fault. Tell a parent or trusted adult.

Think about it: What would you want to share with the person you one day marry? Which of those things depend on them loving Jesus too?

Go deeper: Elisabeth Elliot (For Teens) — this chapter follows Elisabeth through the hard years when she loved Jim Elliot but had no promise and no engagement, kept her heart in God’s hands and got on with her own calling, learning to wait quietly and in hope. Start with chapter 3, “Waiting Well”.