What If I’m Attracted to People of the Same Sex?

The short answer: Being attracted to people of the same sex is not itself a sin, and it doesn’t make you less loved by God or less welcome in His church. Like most evangelical churches, this book believes God’s design for sex is the marriage of a man and a woman, a calling that asks something hard of every Christian, not just you. Many faithful Christians live with these feelings, and you don’t have to carry them alone.

If you picked this chapter because it’s about you, maybe you’ve never told anyone. Maybe you’ve prayed for the feelings to go away and they haven’t. Maybe you’ve heard Christians say cruel things and wondered whether God feels the same way about you. So let’s start with what matters most.

God has not turned away from you

Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... for I am gentle and humble in heart” (Matthew 11:28–29). He didn’t add “except you.” You are made in God’s image, known completely and loved completely. Nothing about your feelings changes that.

And feelings aren’t the same as sin. Every one of us is drawn towards things that aren’t God’s best, and the Bible doesn’t treat being tempted as guilt. Jesus Himself “was tempted in every way that we are, yet was without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). What we choose to do, and what we feed in our minds, is where right and wrong come in. Attraction you didn’t ask for is not something to confess as though you’d done wrong.

What the Bible asks

Here’s the honest part. Throughout its history, the church has read the Bible as teaching that sex belongs only within marriage between a man and a woman (Matthew 19:4–6). That rules out a lot: sex before marriage, affairs, pornography, and same-sex sexual relationships. It’s the same standard for everyone. A Christian who is attracted to the opposite sex and isn’t married is called to the same faithfulness as you are.

You’ll meet people, including some Christians, who read these passages differently, and you deserve to know that rather than be surprised by it. This book holds the view most churches around the world hold. But nobody should ever use it as a weapon against you.

That calling can feel heavy, and it’s fine to say so. Some Christians who experience same-sex attraction marry someone of the opposite sex. Many stay single, and the Bible treats singleness as a real gift and a full life, not second best. Paul was single and wished others could be too: “each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (1 Corinthians 7:7). Jesus was single, and no one has lived a fuller life. What every single person needs is deep friendship and a church that acts like family. That’s part of the church’s job, not an optional extra.

You may also notice Christians use different words for this. You don’t have to settle on a label today. What matters most is that you belong to Jesus.

What nobody should do to you

Nobody, inside or outside church, has the right to bully you, mock you, shame you or pressure you. And no one should push you into any kind of “therapy” or program that promises to change your attractions by force, fear or pressure. That is not what following Jesus looks like, and if it happens, tell a trusted adult.

The church is called to “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you” (Romans 15:7). If you hear jokes or cruelty about gay people, even from Christians, that’s wrong, and you’re allowed to say so.

Don’t carry it alone

Secrets get heavier the longer you carry them. Find a Christian adult you trust, such as a parent, a youth leader or a pastor, and tell them. “Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). A good one will listen before they speak.

And if the weight ever gets so heavy that you think about hurting yourself or not wanting to be alive, tell a parent or trusted adult right away. You matter far too much to carry that alone.

Think about it: If a friend told you they were attracted to people of the same sex, what would you want your first words to them to be?

Go deeper: The Key Teachings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer — this chapter, drawn from his book Life Together, explains that Christians belong to one another not because we’re alike or chose each other, but because Christ has made us His own, and that every believer needs other Christians to speak God’s word to them. Start with chapter 9, “A Gift, Not an Ideal”.