Godly Relationships

Having challenged us to be filled with the Spirit and giving us the three evidences of being so filled, Paul now goes on to show how this affects our relationships with others.

(i) Husbands and wives; (ii) children and parents; (iii) employers and employees.

Chapter 5:22-33 : show us what is expected of both husband and wife in a good marriage.

In v22, we too often put the emphasis on the word ‘submit’ (or ‘subject’) when that word is not found in the original! It is a carry-over from the previous verse where it applies to all of us – men and women. Both parties are called to submit in v 21, just as both are called to ‘love one another’ in the great command of Jesus the night He died. By the way, this word we translate ‘submit’ has the meaning of honour rather than obey . (See also v 33). I must confess that my chest swells just a little when other men tell me how their wives comment on how wonderful a husband I am - according to my wife! She doesn’t join in their negative gossip about their own husbands.

I bel ieve the emphasis here should be on the phrase “to your own husband”. In Bible days, women had little or no rights – they were treated at chattel – the possession of their husbands who could do as they liked. It would be easy for women, hearing the gospel message for the first time, hearing that they were precious to a loving God, to honour the young man preaching this good news in the market square. Paul reminds them that their first ‘honour’ is to their own husbands – not the preacher.

In v23, the man is the ‘head’ over the woman in the sense of her ‘covering’ or protection. It carries with it great responsibility before it can exercise any authority. He is responsible for the spiritual nurturing and testimony of his family. Many will stand before the Lord one day, hoping that He will commend them for all the work they have done for the kingdom; instead He will ask why they neglected the spiritual growth and nurture of their own family members, their #1 priority!

In the same way Jesus is our ‘covering’ and thereby, the ‘Saviour of the body’.

In v25, men are to love their own wives as Christ loved the church … a love without conditions.

History has proven over and over that the happiest marriages are those in which there is mutual love and submission (honour). I believe that when a man loves his wife (as Christ loves His bride, the church) and when women honour their husbands above all other men, their marriage will grow in sweetness and Christlikeness – a “delicious circle” in contrast to the vicious c ircle so common in worldly marriages today.

Chapter 5:32 : A great mystery . Let us develop this theme more: In chapter 1:9, we read of this mystery, revealed in v10, that at the end of time, all things will be drawn together in Christ. i.e., He will be over ALL things. Government, nature, organisations, etc., will be under His control. At this moment, man is free to do ‘his own thing’ , but that will end when ALL things are put under His feet.

In chapter 3:9, Paul rejoices that he has been called to reveal this mystery to the intent that “all in heavenly places’ (the external world of the spirit) might know the purposes of God revealed through His church.

As we consider the ‘end of time’ in the book of Revela tion, we see the exalted Jesus upon the throne, accompanied by The BRIDE, formerly the church. It is God’s good purpose that she should be exalted with Him as joint heir of all God’s riches! This is what He has willed to do and what will be revealed to “all in heavenly places”. This is the mystery! (God’s secret now revealed).

This is why Paul writes here of a mystery in connection with his teaching on the bride and the relationship of a marriage.

In chapter 6, Paul continues with his examples of lives “filled with the Spirit” - how children and parents should interact, how employers and their employees should relate. A Christian home should be an example to all other homes around. Parents have a responsibility to pour love into their children. This does not only mean hugs, cuddles and kisses but also esteem, value, safety, goals, Godly character.

A Christian employer should run his business with grace and encouragement – his employees should be the happiest workers around. They, in turn, should do their work with diligence and be known as trustworthy, willing to go beyond what their employer expects of them. Both are called to show integrity in all their actions.

Let us go back to chapter 4:25-32, where Paul gives us four principles which should govern us in all our relationships: (I have had many occasions to use these in marriage counselling).

i) Do not tell lies – even half-truths are lies. Consider the cover-ups we do almost daily.

“What’s wrong?” “O, nothing!” when we are hurting inside. Always keep open communication between you and your wife/husband/children/ colleagues.

ii) Be current – do not let the sun set on your squabble. Deal with it today. It will produce a ‘root of bitterness’ otherwise (Heb 12:15).

iii) Attack the problem, not the other person . Speak only that which edifies. Remember, the battle is with the enemy, not fellow members of the Body.

iv) PROact, not REact! Look for ways to turn enmity into unity.

Consider: i) What are lies? – Speech, silence, actions, etc.

ii) What is the right kind of ‘anger’? Righteous anger that changes situations – e.g., Wilberforce and slavery.

iii) How do we “give the devil an opportunity’? He will sow distrust and turmoil.

iv) Why does Paul write here about stealing? A demand for honesty/integrity in action as well as in words.

v) What are some unwholesome words we might say?

Paul ends the chapter with a list of things which should go from life: a) bitterness – long-standing resentment.

b) wrath and anger – short-term (temper) and long-term anger.

c) clamour and slander – loud talking (raised voices) and insulting language.

d) malice – bitterness of spirit to another.

Instead, we are to be kind, as defined by tender-hearted, forgiving. Such a life would be impossible if it were not for the Holy Spirit, who makes us “more than conquerors” by His fullness (Rom 8:37).

Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world – 1 John 4:4.