Leader’s guide · 13 weeks
Leader’s guide: Elisabeth Elliot (For Teens)
Using this guide with a class? See Ochorus for schools or homeschool families
This guide takes your group through Elisabeth Elliot (For Teens) in thirteen weeks, one chapter a week. It’s written for teens aged about 13 to 18 and works well for a youth group, a homeschool or a small group. It follows Betty Howard from a praying home in New Jersey to the forests of Ecuador, through the deaths of her husband Jim and four other men, her years living among the Waorani, and a long life of writing and speaking about trusting God without explanations. It tells her story honestly, with her faults and hard questions left in.
Each session takes about 30 to 40 minutes. Open by saying the memory verse together (3 minutes). Read the chapter, either aloud together or at home beforehand (5–10 minutes). Talk through the chapter’s three questions, which come with answers to help you (10–15 minutes). Do the activity (10 minutes). Then close in prayer (2–3 minutes), in your own words or by turning the chapter’s closing “One thing to do this week” into a prayer together, and leave that challenge with the group for the week ahead.
To prepare, read the chapter yourself first and look over the activity; most weeks need only paper and pens, or nothing at all. This book deals with violent death, grief and widowhood, forgiveness, conflict between Christians, a marriage marked by temper and control, and dementia. Some in your group may be grieving, or living with fear or control at home, so keep personal reflection private and never press anyone to share. Make clear, as the book does, that forgiving someone is not the same as staying where they can hurt you, and be ready to follow up gently and point anyone who is struggling to a parent, pastor or other trusted adult.
Week 1 — A Goodly Heritage
Betty Howard grows up one of six children in a strict, missionary-minded family that sings hymns and prays twice a day, and learns contentment in the lean years of the Great Depression. At boarding school a formidable headmistress tells the painfully shy girl that shyness is a way of being wrapped up in yourself, and Betty learns to look outward; there she also discovers Amy Carmichael and resolves to translate the Bible. The big idea: whatever your family gave you, God can give you his words, and looking outward is something you can practise.
“The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage.” — Psalm 16:6 (KJV)
Memory verse
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
Psalm 16:6
Talk together
What did the Howard family do twice every day?
They gathered for family worship: they sang a hymn, their father read the Bible, and he prayed for each child by name and for missionaries around the world.
What did Mrs DuBose teach Betty about shyness?
That shyness was not a virtue to be indulged. It was a way of being wrapped up in yourself, and a Christian should look outward and put others at ease.
Why does the chapter say a “goodly heritage” is not the same as an easy one?
Betty's family was strict, short of money and not perfect, but it gave her the Scriptures and a habit of prayer, which took root and lasted her whole life.
Activity
One Real Question
You will need: Nothing
- Pair everyone with someone they don’t usually talk to.
- Give each pair three minutes to ask each other one real question, such as “What’s something you’re looking forward to?”, and to listen properly to the answer.
- Swap partners and do it once more.
- Come back together and ask: what made it awkward, and what made it easier?
- Discuss what Mrs DuBose meant when she said a Christian has a duty to look outward.
Week 2 — The Shadow of a Cross
At Wheaton Betty studies Greek to prepare for Bible translation and meets Jim Elliot, her brother’s friend, who isn’t sure whether God is calling him to stay single. In June 1948, by a cemetery, they tell each other what they feel and agree to give their love back to God, as Abraham offered Isaac, with no engagement and no promise. The big idea: a living sacrifice is not one dramatic moment but a place we keep coming back to, caring deeply and still saying to God, “It’s yours.”
“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” — Romans 12:1 (KJV)
Memory verse
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Romans 12:1
Talk together
Why did Betty study Greek at Wheaton?
She believed God was calling her to translate the Bible, and she wanted to work from the original text of the New Testament.
Why was Jim unwilling to make Betty any promise in 1948?
He thought God might be calling him to stay single for the sake of hard missionary work, and he would not let his feelings decide the question before he was sure.
What does it mean that “the altar was not a moment”?
Giving their love back to God wasn't a single decision; they had to keep trusting God with it again and again through years of uncertainty.
Activity
Open Hands
You will need: Paper and pens
- Ask everyone to make a tight fist, then slowly open their hand palm up, and talk about the difference between gripping something and offering it.
- Have each person write down privately the one thing they want most right now.
- Discuss: does trusting God with something mean pretending you don’t care about it? What did Betty and Jim actually do?
- Invite everyone to pray silently over what they wrote, with open hands.
- Encourage them to pray the same way each day this week.
Week 3 — Waiting Well
Betty studies at a strict Bible school in snowy Alberta, while Jim becomes sure God is sending him to Ecuador and sails with Pete Fleming in 1952; for four years their letters are careful and their meetings few. She trains in linguistics and sails for Ecuador as a single missionary with no promise or engagement, ready to stay single if Jim decides to. The big idea: quiet waiting isn’t doing nothing, but refusing to grab what God hasn’t given while doing today’s work well.
“It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.” — Lamentations 3:26 (KJV)
Memory verse
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:26
Talk together
Where did Betty go after Wheaton, and what was it like?
To the Prairie Bible Institute in Three Hills, Alberta: a cold, remote, strict Bible school where she studied, felt lonely, and received careful letters from Jim that promised nothing.
Did Betty go to Ecuador engaged to Jim?
No. She went with no promise or understanding, to do her own language work as a single missionary, knowing she might stay single.
What does the chapter say “quiet waiting” means?
Not doing nothing, but refusing to grab what God hasn't given yet and doing today's work faithfully in the meantime.
Activity
The Waiting Room
You will need: Paper and pens
- As a group, list things teenagers wait for: results, replies, being noticed, being old enough.
- Talk about what bad waiting looks like, such as constant checking, worrying or forcing things, and what good waiting looks like.
- Have each person write down privately one thing they are waiting for.
- Under it, have them list two useful jobs that belong to today.
- Challenge everyone to do one of those jobs each time they catch themselves worrying this week.
Week 4 — These Strange Ashes
Among the Tsáchila, whom the Spanish called the Colorados, Betty starts putting an unwritten language on paper, but a young mother she is helping dies in childbirth, her language helper Don Macario is shot dead, and her suitcase of notes is stolen. Years later she wrote that the question she had to answer was not “Why did God do this?” but “Will I keep trusting him without an explanation?” The big idea: faith that trusts God only when things succeed isn’t really faith yet.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” — Isaiah 55:8-9 (KJV)
Memory verse
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8–9
Talk together
What three losses did Betty suffer in her first year in Ecuador?
A Colorado woman she tried to help died in childbirth; her language helper Don Macario was shot dead in a land dispute; and the suitcase holding her language work was stolen.
Where did the title *These Strange Ashes* come from?
From a poem by Amy Carmichael about the ashes left after an offering has burned, and “this baffling sense of loss.”
What question did Betty decide she had to answer?
Not why God had allowed the losses, but whether she would go on trusting him without an explanation.
Activity
Why or Will?
You will need: Paper and pens
- Write two questions at the top of a sheet: “Why did God do this?” and “Will I keep trusting him without an explanation?”
- Ask the group how each question shapes what a person does next.
- Talk about the three losses in this chapter, and which one they think would have been hardest to accept.
- Have each person write privately about a time they did their best and it still fell apart, adding one honest sentence to God about it.
- Read Isaiah 55:8–9 together to close.
Week 5 — Quichua First
Jim proposes in January 1953 on condition that Betty first learns Quichua, which she does quickly, and they marry quietly at a registry office in Quito that October. They live in a tent and then at Shandia, where Jim preaches and Betty writes the language down, and their daughter Valerie is born. The big idea: God puts people with different gifts side by side on purpose.
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9 (KJV)
Memory verse
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.
Ecclesiastes 4:9
Talk together
What condition did Jim attach to the engagement?
That Betty learn Quichua before they set a wedding date, so she could share the work with the Quichua people.
Why was their wedding so simple?
Not because they were poor, but because both of them disliked show. It was a civil ceremony at the registry office in Quito, as Ecuadorian law required.
How did Jim's and Betty's gifts fit together?
Jim spoke Quichua easily by ear and preached; Betty, the trained linguist, could analyse the language, write it down and teach others to read it.
Activity
Two Are Better
You will need: Paper, pens and a few simple patterns of shapes drawn in advance
- Put everyone in pairs, sitting back to back.
- Give one person a pattern to describe while the other, without seeing it, tries to draw it from the description.
- Swap roles with a new pattern, then compare the drawings with the originals.
- Ask: what did each role need that the other didn’t have?
- Talk about how Jim’s gift for speaking Quichua and Betty’s gift for writing it down worked together, and have each person think of someone whose gifts differ from theirs to thank this week.
Week 6 — Palm Beach
Five missionaries, Jim among them, try to reach the Waorani by lowering gifts from Nate Saint’s plane, then land on a sandbar on the Curaray River, where three Waorani visit them on the Friday. On Sunday 8 January 1956, acting partly on a lie Nenkiwi told, a group of Waorani men spear all five, who had agreed beforehand not to use their guns against them. The big idea: Jesus said a grain of wheat must die to bear fruit, and real stories hold courage, mistakes and hope together.
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” — John 12:24 (KJV)
Memory verse
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
John 12:24
Talk together
Why did the five men keep their plan almost secret?
They feared that publicity would bring the government, the press or others into Waorani country and ruin any chance of peaceful contact.
Why did the Waorani men decide to attack?
Nenkiwi, to deflect anger from himself, told them the foreigners had attacked; they already believed outsiders were dangerous, and some thought they ate people.
What did Jim's 1949 sentence mean, according to this chapter?
It wasn't a plan for dying but a settled choice to hold loosely the things he couldn't keep anyway, in order to gain what he could never lose.
Activity
What Can’t You Keep?
You will need: Paper and pens
- Read Jim’s journal sentence aloud: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
- As a group, make two lists: things nobody can keep forever, and things that can never be lost.
- Discuss why the chapter says the sentence is not a plan for dying but a decision about what to hold loosely.
- Have each person write privately one thing they grip too tightly, and one way to loosen their grip on it this week.
Week 7 — The Next Thing
Searchers find four of the men’s bodies and bury them by the beach while the five widows wait at Shell Mera. Elisabeth grieves deeply but does not decide that God has failed her; at twenty-nine, with ten-month-old Valerie, she goes back to Shandia to do the next thing, and writes Through Gates of Splendor. The big idea: strong Christians do grieve, and God is with us in our grief as we do the next thing.
“A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.” — Psalm 68:5 (KJV)
Memory verse
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
Psalm 68:5
Talk together
Did the widows' calm mean they didn't grieve?
No. Elisabeth grieved deeply and for a long time. Her calm was a decision about where to take her grief, not the absence of it.
Why did she go back to Shandia?
Because the work and the people were still there, she spoke their language, and no one else could do it. She saw it simply as the next thing.
How did she write about Jim and the other men?
Plainly and with restraint. She didn't preach or claim to know why God allowed it, and she let Jim's journals stand without polishing him into a saint.
Activity
Do the Next Thing
You will need: Paper and pens
- Read the old refrain Elisabeth loved, “Doe the nexte thynge,” and ask what it means.
- Talk about the idea that strong Christians don’t grieve, and why Elisabeth spent years correcting it.
- Have each person think of something that feels overwhelming right now and write down, for themselves only, the very next small step.
- Remind the group who they can talk to if grief or heaviness won’t lift: a parent, pastor, teacher, doctor or crisis line.
Week 8 — Two Women from the Forest
The way to the Waorani opens through three Waorani women: Dayuma, who fled years before, and Mankamu and Mintaka, who walk out of the forest in 1957, Mintaka being the older woman who had stood on the sandbar with the five men. Elisabeth takes the two women into her home for about ten months and learns their language from them, and in 1958 the three return to their people and come back with an invitation. The big idea: God leads people by ways they do not know, often through ordinary kindness.
“And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.” — Isaiah 42:16 (KJV)
Memory verse
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16
Talk together
Who were Mintaka and Mankamu?
Two older Waorani women who walked out of the forest in 1957. Mintaka had been on the sandbar with the five missionaries on 6 January 1956.
How did Elisabeth learn the Waorani language?
By having Mintaka and Mankamu live with her for about ten months, listening and writing down what they said, in a language unrelated to any other known one.
How did the invitation to live among the Waorani come?
Dayuma, Mintaka and Mankamu went back into the forest in September 1958 and returned about three weeks later with Waorani who invited Elisabeth and Rachel to come and live with them.
Activity
Say My Name
You will need: Nothing
- Go round the group and have each person say their full name and how they like it said, with everyone repeating it back.
- Talk about how it feels when someone gets your name wrong, or never bothers to learn it.
- Discuss: how did living with Mankamu and Mintaka stop Elisabeth seeing the Waorani as either noble innocents or monsters?
- Have each person think of someone new or on the outside, and decide on one way to spend real time with them this week.
Week 9 — She Went In
Against her friends’ fears, Elisabeth, three-year-old Valerie and Rachel Saint walk into Waorani country in October 1958 and live in a clearing by the Tiwaeno, where Elisabeth is named Gikari, “woodpecker.” Most of the men who killed Jim, including Gikita and Mincaye, live a few yards away; she finds them ordinary people and had settled before she came that she would not hate them. The big idea: God calls us to overcome evil with good, and forgiving someone is not the same as putting yourself where they can still hurt you.
“Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” — Romans 12:21 (KJV)
Memory verse
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21
Talk together
Why did Elisabeth decide to go to the Waorani despite the danger?
They had invited her, she was one of the few outsiders learning their language, and she believed God had called her to make Christ known to people who had never heard of him.
What name did the Waorani give her?
Gikari, which means woodpecker.
What struck Elisabeth most about the men who had killed Jim?
How ordinary they were. They laughed, argued, cared for their children and mourned their dead; they had killed out of fear, anger and a long habit of violence.
Activity
What Forgiveness Is and Isn’t
You will need: Paper and pens
- Draw two columns headed “Forgiveness is” and “Forgiveness isn’t.”
- As a group, fill them in: for example, it isn’t pretending a wrong didn’t matter, and it isn’t staying where someone can keep harming you.
- Discuss why Elisabeth said she went as a missionary to a people, not to make a dramatic act of forgiveness.
- Have each person privately write the initials of someone they hold a grudge against, and commit to pray for their good each day this week.
- Remind everyone that if someone is still harming them, telling a safe adult is the right first step.
Week 10 — Earthen Vessels
Elisabeth lives about three years among the Waorani, and several people, including some of the men from the beach, begin to call themselves followers of God, while revenge killings slow among those living nearby. But she and Rachel Saint clash over personality, method and translation, and in 1961 she leaves without public complaint, returning to the United States in 1963. The big idea: God carries his treasure in breakable clay jars, so that the power is clearly his, even when Christians fail each other.
“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” — 2 Corinthians 4:7 (KJV)
Memory verse
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
2 Corinthians 4:7
Talk together
What changed among the Waorani at Tiwaeno during those years?
Several people, including Gikita, Kimo, Dyuwi and Mincaye, came to call themselves followers of God, and revenge killing slowed among those living near the missionaries, though not all at once.
Why did Elisabeth and Rachel Saint struggle to work together?
They differed in personality, theology, method and training. Rachel treated the work as hers and relied heavily on Dayuma; Elisabeth wanted careful language analysis and could be cool and critical.
What does “earthen vessels” mean in 2 Corinthians 4:7?
That God's treasure is carried by ordinary, breakable people, so that it is clear the power is God's and not theirs.
Activity
Both Sides
You will need: Paper and pens
- Split the group in two: one half lists what made Rachel hard to work with, the other what made Elisabeth hard to work with, using only the chapter.
- Then have each half list what was good and devoted in the other woman.
- Discuss why the chapter says neither woman comes out of it simply right.
- Have each person think privately about a conflict they are in and write down one way they have made it worse.
- Invite them to choose one step to put their own part right this week.
Week 11 — Pour Out Your Heart
Back in America Elisabeth speaks and writes, but refuses to tell the 1956 story with a neat shape, and her novel No Graven Image dismays readers by insisting that God need not produce the results we plan. She marries Addison Leitch in 1969, and in 1973 nurses him through cancer until he dies, leaving her a widow for the second time. The big idea: God is a refuge, so honest questions belong in prayer rather than hidden away.
“Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.” — Psalm 62:8 (KJV)
Memory verse
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:8
Talk together
What is *No Graven Image* about, and why did it upset readers?
A young missionary whose efforts end with the death of the man her work depends on. Readers expecting another story of triumph found a missionary stripped of her assumptions about what God must do.
Did Elisabeth lose her faith in the 1960s?
No. Her letters and journals show she was lonely and unsure but did not abandon Christ; she abandoned the habit of tidying up hard stories.
How was her second widowhood different from her first?
The first was sudden, violent and public; the second came slowly through cancer, after months of nursing at home, and she grieved without an audience.
Activity
Neat Story, True Story
You will need: Paper and pens
- Ask the group to tell a well-known story in one tidy sentence, such as a famous sporting comeback, then add the messy details the tidy version leaves out.
- Discuss why Elisabeth refused to let the story of 1956 keep its neat shape.
- Talk about the title No Graven Image: how can we turn God into an idol who must give us the results we want?
- Give everyone a few minutes to write, privately, an honest prayer about a question they have been hiding, ending with one sentence of trust.
Week 12 — Gateway to Joy
Elisabeth marries Lars Gren in 1977, writes Let Me Be a Woman and Passion and Purity, and for thirteen years presents the radio programme Gateway to Joy, opening every day with God’s everlasting love. Her authorised biographer reports that at home Lars was given to outbursts of temper and came to control much of her life, something she never spoke of in public. The big idea: God’s everlasting love meets us in small daily duties, and a hidden burden at home is worth telling a safe person about.
“The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” — Jeremiah 31:3 (KJV)
Memory verse
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3
Talk together
What was *Gateway to Joy*?
A short daily radio programme for women that Elisabeth presented for thirteen years, from 1988 to 2001, always opening with the reminder that listeners were loved with an everlasting love.
Why was her teaching on men and women debated?
Many found it gave dignity to ordinary callings, but other Bible-believing Christians disagreed, noted that her own life broke the pattern, and warned that teaching submission without care could keep women in harmful marriages.
What does the chapter say about her marriage to Lars Gren?
Her biographer Ellen Vaughn describes his temper and control of her daily life, though his own view is largely missing, and he also cared for her at home for years when she became ill. Both are part of the record.
Activity
Small Things
You will need: Paper and pens
- As a group, list small, unnoticed duties in an ordinary week: dishes, replying to a message, tidying a room, being on time.
- Discuss why Elisabeth believed doing small duties faithfully is not a lesser kind of devotion than dramatic sacrifice.
- Have each person choose one small duty to do this week without being asked, and write it down for themselves.
- Close by repeating the chapter’s reminder: if someone at home frightens or controls you, tell a safe person such as a pastor, teacher, doctor or helpline.
Week 13 — Carried
In 1996 Elisabeth adds an epilogue admitting the Waorani story was more tangled than first told; soon afterwards dementia takes away her words, and Lars cares for her at home for most of fifteen years until she dies in 2015. Mincaye, one of the men from the beach, becomes a close friend of Nate Saint’s son Steve and travels with him telling his story. The big idea: God carries his people all the way to grey hair, and a life that can do almost nothing is still precious to him.
“And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.” — Isaiah 46:4 (KJV)
Memory verse
Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.
Isaiah 46:4
Talk together
What did Elisabeth add to *Through Gates of Splendor* in 1996, and why did it matter?
An epilogue admitting that events among the Waorani had not unfolded as simply as the first telling suggested. It was costly honesty that refused to let the story become a legend.
How was Elisabeth cared for in her last years?
Lars Gren looked after her at home in Magnolia for the better part of fifteen years, rather than placing her in a nursing home, while her family and friends visited.
What does Isaiah 46:4 say about God?
That unlike idols, which must be carried, God carries his people, from birth even to old age and grey hair.
Activity
Carried
You will need: Paper and pens
- Ask the group to list the people Elisabeth carried through her life, and the people who carried her at the end.
- Discuss: what makes a person valuable, if it isn’t what they can do?
- Have each person write the name of an elderly person they could visit, call or write to this week.
- Look back over the thirteen weeks and invite each person to share one thing from Elisabeth’s life they want to remember.