Guarding Your Heart: Emotions, Tongue, and Gentle Spirit

"But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." 1 Peter 3:4 (KJV) The book of Proverbs warns us to guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of the heart flow the issues of life. Everything that comes out of your mouth — every word you speak to your husband, every correction you give your child, every greeting you offer the neighbor, every complaint you make — flows first from your heart. If your heart is full of peace, peace will come out. If your heart is full of anger, anger will come out. If your heart is full of bitterness, bitter words will come out. That is why the Lord Jesus said that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

The Christian woman has been given, by the grace of God, a new heart. When you came to Christ, He took out the heart of stone and gave you a heart of flesh. He put His Spirit within you. But even so, you must still learn daily to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Old habits of anger, jealousy, fear, self-pity, and bitterness do not disappear overnight. They must be put to death one day at a time.

Let me speak about several emotions that can trouble a Christian woman, and how the scriptures help us handle them.

First, anger. There is an anger that is right — the Lord Jesus was angry at the moneychangers in the temple. But most of our anger is not righteous. It is fleshly. It comes because our pride is wounded, because we did not get our way, because someone crossed us, because we are tired. The Bible says, be angry and sin not, and let not the sun go down on your wrath. That means, deal with your anger quickly. Go to God. Confess it. Ask for His help. If you have wronged someone in your anger, go and make peace. Do not let anger simmer in your heart. If it does, it will turn to bitterness, and bitterness is a poison that kills marriages, families, and friendships.

Second, fear. Every woman has fears. Fear for her children's safety. Fear for her health. Fear of poverty. Fear of what people will say. Fear of the future. The Bible tells us again and again, fear not, for I am with thee. Isaiah 41:10 is a precious verse to memorize: "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." When fear comes, speak the word of God to your own soul. Pray. Trust. Cast your cares on the Lord, for He cares for you.

Third, jealousy. This is a subtle and dangerous sin. It is the sin of Cain, who killed Abel because God accepted Abel's offering and not his. It is the sin of Miriam, who was struck with leprosy when she envied Moses. It is the sin of Joseph's brothers, who sold him into slavery. Jealousy comes when we compare ourselves to others. She has a better house. She has a better husband. Her children behave better than mine. She has more money. She is prettier. She is more respected at church. When these thoughts come, repent of them quickly. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Thank God for what He has given you. Do not compare yourself. God has a different path for each of His daughters.

Fourth, bitterness. The writer of Hebrews warns us to look diligently lest any root of bitterness spring up and trouble us. Bitterness usually comes from a wound — a deep hurt that has not healed.

Perhaps a husband has disappointed you. Perhaps a family member has cheated you. Perhaps a pastor has hurt you. Perhaps a friend has betrayed you. If you do not deal with the wound through prayer, forgiveness, and often through counsel from wise Christians, the wound becomes a root.

And that root grows until it poisons everything in your life. You must forgive. Forgiveness does not mean what the other person did was right. It does not always mean you will be friends again with that person, especially if they continue to hurt you. Forgiveness means you release them to God and refuse to let their sin control your heart any longer.

Fifth, self-pity. This is a very common sin among women, and it is very subtle. It whispers, "No one understands me. No one cares about me. I am working so hard and no one appreciates it." Self- pity focuses all your attention on yourself. It feeds on private complaining. It leads to depression and resentment. The cure is worship and service. Lift your eyes to the Lord. Count your blessings.

And then go and serve someone else. When you pour out your life for others, the Lord fills your own cup.

Now let us speak of the tongue. The book of James says that the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity.

It can bless, and it can curse. It can build up, and it can tear down. It can speak truth, and it can spread lies. Of all the areas a Christian woman must bring under the Lord's authority, the tongue may be the most important.

The Proverbs warn again and again about the contentious woman. It says it is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than with a contentious woman in a wide house. It says it is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman. The Bible is not harsh on women — it gives the same warnings to men in other forms — but it is honest. A wife whose tongue is sharp can drive her husband away. She can make her children afraid of her. She can fill her home with tension.

On the other hand, consider the Proverbs 31 woman. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. What a beautiful description. Her words are wise. Her words are kind. She does not speak to wound. She does not speak carelessly. She does not gossip. She does not tear down others. When she speaks, wisdom flows.

Let me speak very practically. Guard your tongue in the marketplace, where women gather. Do not participate in gossip about other women, other families, other churches. If others begin to gossip, find a reason to leave, or gently change the subject. Guard your tongue at home. Do not speak sharply to your husband. Do not nag. Do not answer your children with anger. Guard your tongue in the church. Do not criticize the pastor to others. Do not spread rumors about other members. Guard your tongue on your phone and online. Many Christian women have destroyed their witness by what they write in WhatsApp groups or on Facebook.

Consider the example of Mary, the mother of our Lord. When she received the terrifying news from the angel that she would bear the Son of God as an unmarried virgin, what did she do? She did not argue. She did not run to the neighbors. She said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." And later, when great things happened around the Christ child — the shepherds came, the wise men came, strange prophecies were spoken — the Bible says she kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. She was a woman of a quiet spirit. She did not need to say everything she thought. She held truth deep in her heart and brought it to God in prayer. That is the kind of spirit the Lord delights in.

Now, a meek and quiet spirit does not mean a woman who never speaks. It does not mean a woman who agrees with sin or who lets herself be walked on. Abigail spoke up boldly to David and saved her household. Esther spoke up boldly to the king and saved her people. The daughters of Zelophehad spoke up boldly to Moses and received their inheritance. The meek and quiet spirit is a spirit that is under the control of the Holy Spirit. It does not speak rashly. It does not speak from anger. When it does speak, it speaks with grace and truth together.

A Prayer Holy Spirit, come and search my heart today. Show me the anger, the fear, the jealousy, the bitterness, the self-pity that I have allowed to take root. I confess these sins to You.

Wash me clean by the blood of Jesus. Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Give me the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, precious in Your sight. Let my words bring life and not death. Let my heart be a place where Your peace dwells. In Jesus' name, Amen.