Day 26 — When Someone Dies

“When Mary came to Jesus and saw Him, she fell at His feet and said, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.’ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”

— John 11:32–33 (BSB)

Maybe it was a grandparent who had always been there. Maybe it was a parent, a brother or sister, a friend from school, a cousin your age. Maybe it was sudden, a road accident, an illness that moved too fast, or something nobody saw coming. Maybe it was slow, and you watched it happen. However it came, you’ve learned something nobody can really teach you in advance: death is real, and it hurts more than you thought anything could.

If you’re grieving right now, you don’t need a lecture. You need to know you’re not alone. So look at Jesus.

His friend Lazarus had died. Lazarus’s sister Mary ran out to meet Him and fell at His feet with words that were half faith and half accusation: “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” Jesus didn’t correct her. He didn’t explain. He saw her crying and was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Then come two of the shortest words in the Bible: “Jesus wept.”

He knew He was about to raise Lazarus. He wept anyway. Grief isn’t a lack of faith. The Son of God did it, standing at a grave.

So here are some true things for a grieving heart.

Grief has no timetable. Different cultures mourn in different ways: forty days of gatherings, a week of sitting together, a funeral and then straight back to school. But your heart keeps its own time. Some days you’ll feel almost normal and then a song, a smell or an empty chair will knock you flat. That’s not going backwards. That’s love with nowhere to go.

Whatever you feel is allowed. Sadness, numbness, anger, even anger at God. Mary brought her “if” straight to Jesus. You can too.

It’s not your fault. Many people carry guilt: I should have visited. I said something mean the last time. I should have noticed. Hear this clearly: you did not cause this death. If there are words you wish you’d said, you can tell God, and you can let Him carry them.

Christians grieve with hope. Paul writes so that “you will not grieve like the rest, who are without hope.” Notice: not not grieve. Grieve with hope. Jesus told Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in Me will live, even though he dies.” One day “‘He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,’ and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.”

You may not know where the person you lost stood with God. You don’t have to settle that tonight. God knew them completely, and He is more just and more merciful than any of us.

Let people in. Grief shared is grief that can begin to heal. Talk about the person. Say their name. Look at photos. Cry with someone.

And please hear this: if the sadness doesn’t lift, if you can’t eat or sleep or get through the day for weeks, or if you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or of not wanting to be alive, tell a parent or trusted adult right away. You’re not meant to carry this alone.

Think about it: If you’ve lost someone, what do you most miss about them? What would you want to say to Jesus about it?

Try this: If you’re grieving, write down three memories of the person you’ve lost, and share one with someone who knew them too. If you’re not, check on someone you know who has lost someone this year. Just ask, “How are you really doing?”

Go deeper: Portraits of Courage – C. S. Lewis — after his wife Joy died, Lewis filled four notebooks with raw, honest grief, including his worst thoughts about God, and slowly came through to peace without having his questions answered; the book that came out of them has helped millions not because it explains suffering, but because it doesn’t pretend. Start with chapter 23, “A Grief Observed”.

Lord Jesus, You wept at Your friend’s grave, so You know how this feels. Thank You that I can bring You my tears and even my “if only.” Hold me in my grief, and help me grieve with hope. Comfort everyone who is missing the one I miss, and let me feel Your nearness on the hardest days. In Jesus’ name, Amen.