Day 17 — When a Friend Hurts You

“Be angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

— Ephesians 4:26–27 (BSB)

Even the best friends hurt each other sometimes. Maybe your friend told someone a secret you trusted her with. Maybe she left you out of something. Maybe she said something hurtful, or started hanging out with a new friend and forgot about you.

When a friend hurts you, it can feel terrible. You might feel sad, betrayed, embarrassed or really, really angry.

Here’s something that might surprise you: Paul says, “Be angry, yet do not sin.” It’s not wrong to feel angry when someone hurts you. Anger is a feeling God gave us. Even Jesus got angry sometimes. The question is what you do with your anger.

Paul gives two important pieces of advice.

“Do not sin.” When you’re angry, it’s easy to do something you’ll regret: say something mean back, post something hurtful, turn other friends against her, give her the silent treatment or plan revenge. Paul says, Feel the anger, but don’t let it push you into doing wrong.

“Do not let the sun set upon your anger.” In other words, don’t hold on to it. Don’t let it sit in your heart day after day, growing into a grudge. Deal with it quickly.

Why? Because “do not give the devil a foothold.” A foothold is a little place to put your foot when you’re climbing. When we hold on to anger, we give the enemy a place to get a grip on our hearts. Anger that sits too long turns into bitterness, and bitterness poisons friendships and hearts.

So what should you do when a friend hurts you?

• Tell God first. Pour out how you feel. He understands.
• Calm down before you talk. Take some time so you don’t say something you’ll regret.
• Talk to her directly and kindly. “When you told everyone my secret, it really hurt me.”
• Listen to her side. Sometimes there’s a misunderstanding.
• Forgive, even if it’s hard. Forgiving doesn’t mean what she did was okay. It means you’re letting go of revenge.
• Ask a grown-up for help if you don’t know what to do, or if a friend keeps hurting you.

Think about it: When a friend hurts you, what’s your usual reaction? What would handling it God’s way look like?

Try this: If there’s a friend you’re upset with right now, pray about it, and then find a calm, kind way to talk to her soon, before the sun sets on your anger.

Dear God, when friends hurt me, help me not to sin in my anger. Help me deal with it quickly, talk honestly and kindly, and forgive. Don’t let bitterness grow in my heart. Thank You for forgiving me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.