Listening and Bearing

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. GALATIANS 6:2

The fourth chapter of Life Together is about service, and it begins, of all places, with an argument. On the road to Jerusalem the disciples fell to disputing which of them was the greatest. Bonhoeffer thought that the same question arises wherever Christians live together, usually unspoken. Who is the strongest here, the wisest, the most spiritual, the most important? The moment a group forms, the comparing begins. And the rest of the chapter is his answer to it: a series of plain, unglamorous ministries by which the members of a community serve one another instead of competing.

And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be accounted the greatest. LUKE 22:24

Holding the tongue

The first ministry Bonhoeffer named is the ministry of holding one’s tongue. It is the least spectacular thing imaginable, and perhaps the hardest. He meant, especially, refusing to speak about a brother behind his back — not only malicious gossip, but the casual criticism, the knowing remark, the story told to raise a laugh at another’s expense. He thought that a community in which this rule was kept would be transformed, and that one in which it was broken would slowly be poisoned.

Speak not evil one of another, brethren. JAMES 4:11

Meekness

The second ministry is meekness — not thinking too highly of oneself. Bonhoeffer thought that the Christian who truly knows his own sin will not be quick to rank himself above others. He will see his own failures more clearly than anyone else’s, because he knows them from the inside. He will not demand honour, and he will not be crushed when he is overlooked. Paul, near the end of his ministry, called himself the chief of sinners; Bonhoeffer took that as the posture of a mature Christian, not a morbid one.

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. 1 TIMOTHY 1:15

Listening

Then comes the ministry for which this chapter is best known: listening. The first service we owe to others, Bonhoeffer said, is to listen to them. God listens to us, and we are to do the same for our brothers. Yet Christians, and especially pastors, are always tempted to speak instead. We think that our job is to offer something — advice, correction, a word from Scripture — and so we half-listen, waiting for our turn. Many people are looking for an ear and do not find it among Christians, because Christians are too busy talking.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. JAMES 1:19

He went further. The one who cannot listen to his brother, he warned, will soon find that he cannot listen to God either. He will be talking in God’s presence too. Listening is not a technique for counselling. It is a form of love, and a form of humility, and it is learned in the same school as prayer.

He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. PROVERBS 18:13

Helping, even when interrupted

The fourth ministry is simple, practical help — active helpfulness in small, ordinary things. Bonhoeffer noticed how easily Christians excuse themselves from this because they have more important work to do. The priest and the Levite in the parable were very likely on their way to religious duties. They passed by. Bonhoeffer said that we must be ready to be interrupted by God, and that the interruptions often come in the form of someone who needs a hand. The Christian who is too busy with his spiritual schedule to help a neighbour has missed the point of the schedule.

And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. LUKE 10:31

This is a humbling word for anyone whose days are full of worthy things. The interruption we resent may be the most important appointment of the day.

Bearing

The fifth ministry is bearing one another, and here Bonhoeffer went deepest. To bear a brother is first to put up with him — to endure his peculiarities, his weaknesses, his way of doing things. It is to allow him his freedom, even when his freedom annoys us. The strong must bear with the weak; but everyone is weak in some way, and so everyone must be borne.

We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. ROMANS 15:1

But bearing goes further still. It means bearing the other’s sin — not excusing it, but forgiving it, again and again, as Christ bore our sin on the cross. Bonhoeffer saw this as the very heart of the Christian community. God bore with us; Christ carried our sins; and those who have been borne are called to bear. A community that will only include the easy and the agreeable has not understood the gospel.

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. COLOSSIANS 3:13

Speaking the word, and true authority

Only after all these ministries did Bonhoeffer come to the ministry of speaking — telling a brother God’s word of comfort, warning or forgiveness. He thought such speaking was essential, but that it had to grow out of the listening, the bearing and the humility that came before. A word spoken without them would be cheap, and would not be heard. Spoken with them, it could be God’s own word to a brother in need.

He ended with a word about authority. True authority in the church, he said, is the authority of service; the church should be wary of dazzling personalities who gather followers around themselves. That was a pointed warning in a Germany that had given itself to a leader, and it remains pointed wherever the church celebrates its celebrities.

But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister. MARK 10:43

FOR REFLECTION AND ACTION

1. For one week, speak no criticism of any fellow Christian who is not present. If something needs saying, say it to them.

2. In your next three conversations, listen until the other person has finished, without planning your reply. Ask one more question than you normally would.

3. Notice the interruptions in your day this week. Treat at least one as an appointment from God.

4. Name one person whose ways irritate you. Ask God to help you bear with them, and do one kind thing for them.

5. If you hold any position of influence in your church, ask whether people are being drawn to you or to Christ.

A PRAYER

Lord Jesus, You came not to be served but to serve, and You bore my sins on the cross. Forgive me for comparing, ranking and competing with those You have made my brothers.

Set a guard over my tongue. Teach me to listen as You listen to me, and to be interrupted without resentment.

Give me grace to bear with others as You have borne with me — their weakness, their freedom and their sin.

Make me a servant, and let whatever authority I have point away from me to You. Amen.