The Hand Held Out

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. ROMANS 5:5

Of all the stories Corrie ten Boom told, none has travelled further than the one about a handshake. It has been retold in sermons on every continent, and it has helped a great many people who could not forgive. It carries the teaching for which she is most remembered: that forgiveness is an act of the will, which God answers with His own love. Because it matters so much, it deserves to be told briefly, carefully and with an honest word about the sources.

The story as she told it in print

In The Hiding Place and again in Tramp for the Lord, Corrie recounts that in 1947, in a church in Munich, she had just spoken about God’s forgiveness when a man came forward with his hand out. She recognised him as a former guard from Ravensbrück — one of the men in the room where the women had been processed and humiliated. He did not recognise her. He told her he had since become a Christian and knew God had forgiven him, but he wanted to hear it from one of the women who had suffered there. Would she forgive him?

She could not lift her hand. She, who had been preaching forgiveness across Europe, felt nothing but the memory of Betsie and that room. So she prayed silently, telling Jesus she could not forgive the man and asking Him to give her His forgiveness. Then, woodenly, as an act of obedience rather than of feeling, she put out her hand. As their hands met, she says, a current of love flowed through her that she knew was not her own, and she was able to tell him from her heart that she forgave him.

The lesson she drew, and repeated for the rest of her life, is that forgiveness is not a feeling we wait for but an act of the will, and that the will can obey however cold the heart may feel. When we obey, God supplies the love.

What the sources show

The careful reader should know that this story rests entirely on Corrie’s own later account. The man is never named, and no one else present has told it. It first appears in print in 1971, some twenty-four years after the event. Her book Amazing Love, published in 1953 and much closer to the time, does not tell it; it tells instead of her preaching to former women guards held in an internment camp. And in the recorded addresses now on Ochorus — How to Forgive and The Greatest of These Is Love — she tells a closely related story set in Berlin, of a man who had been one of the cruellest guards at Ravensbrück, who had prayed for the chance to ask one of his victims for forgiveness. In that telling she does not pray the prayer of the printed version. She thanks God for Romans 5:5 — for the love of God poured into her heart by the Holy Spirit — and thanks the Father that His love is stronger than her bitterness. Then she takes the man’s hand and feels God’s love flow through her arm.

Whether these are one encounter remembered differently or two separate meetings, we cannot now say. None of this makes the story less true in the sense that matters. Corrie told it as her own experience to people who knew her. And its heart is the same in every version: she could not forgive by her own strength; she obeyed anyway; God supplied the love.

The love that is poured in

The verse she held on to in the spoken versions is the key to the whole teaching.

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. ROMANS 5:5

Paul does not say we are to produce love for our enemies. He says the love of God has been poured into us. And in the very next verses he tells us what kind of love it is.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ROMANS 5:8

It is love for enemies. What Corrie felt in that church, in her understanding, was God’s love for the guard passing through her because she could not supply it herself. In her addresses she puts it with blunt simplicity: she could not forgive, and her hearers could not either, but He can.

An act of the will

This is the most practical thing she taught, and it is deeply scriptural. The Lord’s commands to forgive are commands, not suggestions.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. MATTHEW 18:21–22

Commands are addressed to the will. God does not command feelings directly, because feelings are not directly under our control. He commands what we can do — forgive, bless, pray, do good — and He promises to work in us what we cannot.

For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. PHILIPPIANS 2:13

Many Christians wait for years to feel forgiving before they will forgive. Corrie’s teaching turns that round. Forgive first, in the will, with a cold heart if need be. Say it to God. Say it, where it is right to do so, to the person. Hold out the hand. The warmth, she found, comes afterwards, and it comes from Him.

A prisoner in Africa

She told one more story that shows the teaching at work in another life. In The Greatest of These Is Love she recalls visiting a young political prisoner in Africa who was under sentence of death. He knew Christ had died for him, but he hated the men who had betrayed him and told her he could not forgive them. She read him the Lord’s words about forgiveness, and told him she understood that he could not. Then she told him what God had done in her. She says he later sent a message to his wife telling her not to hate, but to love the people who had brought him there — adding that neither of them was able, but Jesus in them was.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. MATTHEW 6:14–15

She took those words with great seriousness. In How to Forgive she says that when she found she could not forgive the guard, she realised with horror that she herself was not ready to meet her Lord.

A caution

Her teaching is sometimes stretched further than she stretched it. To forgive is to give up the claim to repayment and to wish the other person well before God. It is not the same as trusting someone who remains dangerous, or returning to a situation of abuse, or pretending the wrong did not happen. The guard in her story was a man who had repented and come asking forgiveness; she was not being asked to put herself back in his power. Forgiveness can be given in a moment. Trust, where it is wise to restore it at all, is rebuilt slowly.

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any. MARK 11:25

FOR REFLECTION AND ACTION

1. Name the person you find it hardest to forgive. Tell God honestly that you cannot, and ask Him for His forgiveness for them.

2. Now make the decision in your will, whatever your feelings. Write down the date on which you did so.

3. Read Romans 5:1–11 and thank God that His love has been poured into you by the Holy Spirit.

4. Is there a hand you have refused to take? Ask God whether the right next step is a word, a letter or simply prayer.

5. Distinguish forgiveness from trust in one relationship you are wrestling with. Seek wise counsel if you are unsure.

A PRAYER

Lord Jesus, You forgave those who crucified You while they were still driving the nails.

I cannot forgive as You forgive. I have no love of my own for this person. Give me Yours.

I choose now, with my will, to forgive, and I give up my claim against them. I hold out my hand.

Pour Your love into my heart by Your Spirit, and let the feeling follow the obedience, in Your time. Amen.