Day 12 — Speaking the Truth in Love

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Christ Himself, who is the head.”

— Ephesians 4:15 (BSB)

Sometimes girls face a tricky choice between being honest and being kind.

Your friend asks, “Do you like my drawing?” and you don’t. Your friend is about to make a choice you know is bad. Your friend said something hurtful to another girl and doesn’t even realize it. What do you do?

Some girls choose honesty without kindness. They blurt out the truth in a way that hurts. “That drawing is terrible.” “You’re being so dumb.” They might be telling the truth, but they’re not showing love.

Other girls choose kindness without honesty. They say what people want to hear, even when it isn’t true. They never tell a friend when she’s making a mistake, because they don’t want her to be upset.

Paul shows us a better way: “speaking the truth in love.” That means being honest and kind at the same time.

What does that look like?

• Think before you speak. Ask yourself, Is this true? Is it kind? Does it need to be said?
• Choose gentle words. “I think the colors are really pretty. Maybe try making the face a little bigger?” is truthful and kind.
• Talk privately. If you need to correct a friend, do it one-on-one, not in front of everyone.
• Care about the person, not about being right.
• Listen too. Speaking the truth in love goes both ways.

It takes courage to tell a friend something she might not want to hear. But real friends do that, because they care. And it takes wisdom and love to say it in a way that helps instead of hurts.

Paul says that when we speak the truth in love, we “grow up into Christ.” Jesus was always truthful and always loving. As you learn to speak like Him, you grow more like Him.

A true story: In India long ago, most girls weren’t taught to read. But Ramabai’s father taught his daughter the oldest, hardest books in the land, and she became so learned that people called her Pandita, “the learned one.” When Ramabai became a follower of Jesus, she used her voice and her learning for the women and girls her country had forgotten: widows who were treated cruelly, and orphans starving in famines. She spoke up for them, and she rescued thousands, bringing them to a home she called Mukti, which means “Salvation.” She even translated the whole Bible into her own language. You can read her whole story in Brave for God.

Think about it: Are you more likely to be honest without kindness, or kind without honesty?

Try this: Is there something true you’ve been afraid to tell a friend? Pray about it, and then share it gently and privately.

Dear God, help me speak the truth in love. Give me courage to be honest, and gentleness to be kind. Help me grow up to be more like Jesus in the way I speak. In Jesus’ name, Amen.